Every now and again I am reminded how "colourful" my life has been. I go along thinking that in the big picture my life is fairly insignificant, but then I experience a moment in time that say "wait a sec, your life has been pretty interesting so far."
It is usually the result of feedback from others. Things said to me like, "Wow, Deb, is there any job you have not done?" Or, "Gee Deb, you have really seen a lot of the world." As time passes these things just seem ordinary to me, the sort of things I expected to happen to me on the journey I call my life, but apparently, not everyone has had such a "colourful" existence. In theory I get this. I know that when I see someone begging for spare change on the street in their early twenties, the likelihood they have "lived" much of a life at all is slim.
I get that some people have never left their home town or flown to a distant land, or earned a university degree, or never had to worry all that much about where their next meal is coming from. I imagine there are not many people sitting around right now sipping a cold glass of Pinot Grigio whilst shaving off and eating paper thin slices of fresh parmigiana reggiano, listening to some inspirational music and banging out a blog on their laptop keyboard.
The crazy thing is, I still feel like I have so many more things to experience, so many more things to do to fulfill my own particular "bucket list." And the problem is that sometimes I worry that time is running out. I am still healthy and young enough to do most of the things on my list, but the clock is ticking now - and ticking faster all the time.
When will I get my novel written? When will I hike in Patagonia? When will I finally seriously devote myself to a meditation practice? Will I ever build the house of my dreams? And what about all those art courses i want to take? I am not a patient woman. Some people might say - "oh Deb, you will get to it one day." But what if "one day" never comes?
Guess I need a plan. Not one of my strong suits. Planning. Sure, I can plan a trip, or book theatre tickets or enroll in a course for the fall, but what I need is a "life plan". But that is scary. Cause a "life plan" entails a beginning and and end. Time is a factor and if you make a plan for every year or every six months say, then eventually you run out of time. So maybe that's why I prefer to just fly by the seat of my pants and go with the flow of my feelings and whatever life presents me with at any given time.
I once met a woman at a Club Med in The Bahamas who had every trip of her life for the next 10 yrs planned. She knew that the following year she would take a trip to The Galapagos, the following year Tuscany, the year after that, an Arctic Cruise - I thought at the time that she was too organized. Too Type A. Too unspontaneous. And maybe all those things are true about her, but at least she was not disorganized and never sure about where she was headed like I am.
I just cannot for the life of me imagine living like her. Life is too unpredictable. That much I know for sure. I would rather not have plans. That way when they don't come to fruition, you don't have to get your knickers in a twist. Just shrug it off and say C'est la vie!
However, I will see if I can try to wrap my head around the next 6 months and see how that goes.
Wish me luck.