My life has pretty much resembled a roller coaster ride for the last couple of years and just when I thought one decision was going to slow that down a tad, now it seems I am faced with yet another disaster and frankly, I am getting a little tired of gathering up the energy and resolve to put another fucking piece of my life back together. As a friend of mine likes to say "It's always something."
I read a lot of spiritual, inspirational, philosophic stuff - I find it helps me get through the rough spots and a really good poet can really lift my spirits, but lately even these words of wisdom and encouragement are not really doing much to solve my current dilemma. According to my astrologer, I am going through a Pluto transit and it will apparently be coming to an end once and for all around the end of November. If this is in fact true, I only have to scratch and claw my way through another what?, 6 weeks or so?
So, that's not so bad, I can be like the little engine that could.....I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. I loved that book when I was a little kid. I remember having it read to me and how I so rooted for that little engine to make it up over the hill. It was hopeful. It taught me a lesson, even though at the time I did not realize that was what it was all about. Believe in yourself. I do. I do believe in myself. I just wish I could figure out how to translate that belief in myself into more income. I used to want to make gobs of money, but now I would just be happy with enough to cover my expenses and live a simple normal existence without worrying. How did I end up in a job that pays straight commission? I did not sign up for it, that's for sure. When I first took my present job, it was a salary-plus commission deal, but about a year in, they changed the system on us and now it is straight commish baby. Great when the economy is humming but sucks when it is not.
If I lived in NYC, I would be joining the throngs down on Wall Street - occupying it. I am one of them now. Who knew? I really believe the world is on the verge of huge change, about to finally evolve into something better, but it won't happen overnight. It is time in my view. Long overdue.
A metaphor for my own life really. Time for a huge change. Long overdue.