Mysteries of the Heart

I've got a good mother and her voice
is what keeps me here...

-Jann Arden

I never got to know Rita. By the time I arrived on the scene here in Australia, poor Rita's mind had already been swallowed up by this horrid disease we call Alzheimer's. She was still able to sit in a wheelchair in 2013. Her devoted husband, John still took her on outings, went to the home every day to feed her lunch and sit with her, always hopeful she would return, that the disease would halt, possibly reverse, that he would have the old love of his life back. For a time he would even put a little lipstick on for her - an effort to preserve some sense of normal. Eventually, the inevitable deterioration of this once vibrant lady, the family touchstone, the sharp mind of Rita Joy Shields took hold. Her ability to communicate ended.

Where did she go? Where do all the victims of this mind ravaging illness go? As anyone who has ever lived through this slow and painful journey with a family member knows, there is a dark mystery that hovers around the unanswered questions. The stricken offer few clues. Where once there was connection and knowing winks and glances, there is a vacant stare and one-sided conversation. Alive but not living. It is a most difficult and heart wrenching thing to witness. I am pretty sure it is what really killed her husband in 2017. The hopelessness and his own broken heart surely making his life unbearable, the cancer finding a way in with his defences down.

How, we all wondered, did her mind fail her so, yet her body kept going. With each passing year, she lay, silent, unmoving and completely under the care of nurses who fed her, bathed her, turned her, watched over her. For years her heart kept beating, strong in her frail chest. How did her heart go on? Why did her heart go on? What was it that Rita still needed to go on for? 

I have a theory. One of her greatest gifts to the world were her two sons. She turned out a couple of pretty special kids, grown men now -  men who grew into kind, caring, loving fathers and partners themselves. Men who are respectful of women, generous and decent human beings. Men that make a mother proud. In addition to this, she won the hearts of their offspring. She continued her nurturing role with seven grandchildren and five great grandchildren. Nanna or Nan as they fondly called her was loved and adored by every one of them. She was a giver until she could give no more.

She just may have saved her biggest gift for last however. Two weeks ago today, my darling man, her eldest son, suffered a heart attack as Rita lay quiet and still alive in her bed. Thanks to the swift medical attention here in Maryborough, then Hervey Bay, then Brisbane, Steve's heart was repaired and we are beyond grateful to have been given a second chance. After five days in a Brisbane hospital, we came home to rest and reflect before a second round of repair will take place December 13th. That same afternoon, we got word that Rita was failing fast. Rest would wait. We went to see her for what would be the last time. I worried that Steve's still healing heart would not be able to withstand the heartbreak of seeing his poor mum like this but it did. We had known this day was coming for a long time and her passing was really a blessing in many ways. She would finally be with Pop again and in a much better place. He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek and we knew this time she was leaving this world. By morning, Rita was gone. 

I cannot help but marvel at the timing of her departure. Did she somehow sense her son's health crisis? Did she linger this long to do one final task? Is the bond between mother and child beyond all illness, existing in the unconscious, ever present despite what we can actually see? These are the mysteries we cannot prove but perhaps we don't need proof. Did Rita give what was left of her still strong, beating heart to her eldest son? I believe she did and I am forever grateful she was the mother she was - the giving kind. Loving to the very end.

So, I  cannot thank you enough Rita for this most generous gift. 

We plan to take especially good care of it.