PLEASE tell me that by the time I turn 70 something I am not just for the first time saying - "I finally feel like I can do what ever I want." I heard these exact words this week from a client who had been a widow for 6 years. My first thought was - "good on you honey," followed by - "what the hell took you so long?"
She told me her husband had been dead for 6 years and this thought had only just occurred to her this week. She told me she spent all of last Monday in her pajamas for the first time in her life and that she lambasted her self a bit on account of it, but she "damn well did it anyway." I could tell she felt empowered by this sudden realization that she could live as she wanted without having to report to anyone, take care of anyone, or for that matter, get dressed for anyone.
But considering she was on the proverbial "down slope" of life, I also found it kind of sad that she had spent her entire life in service to everyone around her to the exclusion of her own wants and needs. Although she presented a fairly upbeat and chipper attitude, I detected an underlying regret that she had lived her life as she felt she "should" or how others "expected" her to live.
She was spending money decorating her home for the first time in 45 years (it was obvious..... I saw it) and nobody was stopping her or telling her she was being "frivolous at her age". As much as she delighted in this freedom, I could tell she was struggling with the voices from her past as well as voices from her present (the meddling daughter-in-law, who would prefer to be inheriting the money she was about to spend).
For the first time in a very long time she will surround herself with some new and pretty things and even though she may not live long enough to see her new sofa and chairs through to their 45th birthday, she will at least not have to endure the thread bare chairs she and her husband bought in 1964.
This type of "merry widow" spending is not uncommon. I see it all the time. These old gals wait until their stingy, cranky old husbands croak and they finally control the purse strings. Better late than never, I suppose, but I just have to say - "LADIES, STOP WAITING!" Tell that son-of-a-bitch(while he's still alive) you don't want to wait. Whether it be for new furniture, or a trip to Greece, or whatever it is that you dream of doing or having. This life is NOT a dress rehearsal. Don't wait until you wake up one day and you don't have the energy or enthusiasm or your health is shot. DO IT NOW! Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Grab your brass rings and let er rip!
What's the worst thing that could happen? If he turfs you out, you'll be better off anyway. If he moans and complains, let him. Who knows? He may even be so taken aback by your new found confidence and power, that he just falls in love with you all over again.
The bottom line is.....you've got nothing to lose...... but yourself.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It's not always better Late than Never!
PLEASE tell me that by the time I turn 70 something I am not just for the first time saying - "I finally feel like I can do what ever I want." I heard these exact words this week from a client who had been a widow for 6 years. My first thought was - "good on you honey," followed by - "what the hell took you so long?"
She told me her husband had been dead for 6 years and this thought had only just occurred to her this week. She told me she spent all of last Monday in her pajamas for the first time in her life and that she lambasted her self a bit on account of it, but she "damn well did it anyway." I could tell she felt empowered by this sudden realization that she could live as she wanted without having to report to anyone, take care of anyone, or for that matter, get dressed for anyone.
But considering she was on the proverbial "down slope" of life, I also found it kind of sad that she had spent her entire life in service to everyone around her to the exclusion of her own wants and needs. Although she presented a fairly upbeat and chipper attitude, I detected an underlying regret that she had lived her life as she felt she "should" or how others "expected" her to live.
She was spending money decorating her home for the first time in 45 years (it was obvious..... I saw it) and nobody was stopping her or telling her she was being "frivolous at her age". As much as she delighted in this freedom, I could tell she was struggling with the voices from her past as well as voices from her present (the meddling daughter-in-law, who would prefer to be inheriting the money she was about to spend).
For the first time in a very long time she will surround herself with some new and pretty things and even though she may not live long enough to see her new sofa and chairs through to their 45th birthday, she will at least not have to endure the thread bare chairs she and her husband bought in 1964.
This type of "merry widow" spending is not uncommon. I see it all the time. These old gals wait until their stingy, cranky old husbands croak and they finally control the purse strings. Better late than never, I suppose, but I just have to say - "LADIES, STOP WAITING!" Tell that son-of-a-bitch(while he's still alive) you don't want to wait. Whether it be for new furniture, or a trip to Greece, or whatever it is that you dream of doing or having. This life is NOT a dress rehearsal. Don't wait until you wake up one day and you don't have the energy or enthusiasm or your health is shot. DO IT NOW! Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Grab your brass rings and let er rip!
What's the worst thing that could happen? If he turfs you out, you'll be better off anyway. If he moans and complains, let him. Who knows? He may even be so taken aback by your new found confidence and power, that he just falls in love with you all over again.
The bottom line is.....you've got nothing to lose...... but yourself.
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