Monday, September 12, 2011
Shine on "Pirhana Bitch"
Demons, eh? Hmmfff! What demons? OH, THOSE demons. She also said I might let out my "pirhana bitch" and want to "rip off someone's head and piss on their brain." When I read that, I thought it sounded a bit dramatic and overly exaggerated, but I took it with a grain of salt and waited.
The beautiful harvest moon just showed its orange glow over the lake about an hour ago and it was awesome, so much so, I grabbed my camera and took a photo. Then I sat down and thought about her predictions. Had my demons risen to the surface today? Had my "pirhana bitch" reared her ugly head? Hmmmm. Pondering here. Oooooo, admittedly, yes.....and yes. On both counts.
I hate it when she is right. So, on that note......sorry Tyler for the bitchy text I sent you about the useless washing machine installers, not your fault, I know. Sorry Emma for biting your head off for not wanting to eat the pasta dish I had lovingly made and unthawed for you - why wouldn't you want to eat some mass-produced plastic bowl of preservatives instead? Also, sorry for scolding you for dropping your fork on the fragile glass coffee table and your food on the white carpet - I can always buy a new table when it breaks and have the carpet shampooed - no worries - I love spending money this way.
After nearly 4 weeks with a broken washing machine, I finally get a new one installed today, only to find out when I get home, that now the dryer won't be functional until Wednesday. I will just ignore the mountain of laundry in my now impossible to "walk in" closet for a couple more days. I will wash some delicates and hang them from every available faucet, shower rod or door knob for the next two days to dry - soooooooo attractive. This "visual demon" that exists inside me - let's address her. Why do I find it sooooooo hard to live with ugliness? I walk in the door tonight after work and there is my clothes dryer sitting in the middle of the space between my kitchen and my living room resting on top of a piece of lopsided Styrofoam as though it believes it is some sort of sculpture. I am not amused.....or able to see it that way. My millions of razor-sharp little teeth are really becoming visible now.
So, lets go back a few more hours - work was super busy and so I never really had too much time to dwell on the email from a client who I had devoted an entire week of my life to a couple of weeks ago. The email that told me they were not going to move forward with their project for now, "sorry." Sorry. They are sorry. Not nearly as sorry as I am about not being able to meet all my expenses next month thank you very much. (Insert sound of "pirhana teeth sawing through bones here.)
Hold on - going to refill my drink cause I believe I am just getting started. Long cool sip. "Ahhh, yum." Ok, where was I? Right - the full moon effects. My lunch. Or rather the lunch I never got around to eating. I had thrown a piece of what I thought was lovely aged cheddar in my lunch bag, only to discover when I finally got around to slicing into it at about 4 o'clock, that it was not cheddar at all but a stale piece of asiago that was really inedible.....gag. (I really need to clean out my fridge more often). So I ate a power bar and some almonds instead and really never felt satisfied. Hope the resident mice at my office are enjoying that old hunk of cheese in my waste basket right about now - that's where I left it.
I am leaving for vacation on Friday. This is a good thing you would think, and you're right, it is, however, there are things to tend to before one heads off on holiday and my list is long. Hair, nails, organize, pack, tie up loose ends at work, pull off miracle at work, drown plants, empty fridge, find time for workouts, sleep and pulling off miracle at work and lose five pounds by Friday. No worries, got it all under control.
Ahhhh, now there is that other demon.....Control. Yes, we know her well. She sort of goes hand in hand with "aversion to ugly" demon. She has been around for decades. She arrived on the scene around the age of 7. She is really hard to shake. Just when I think I have rid her forever, some sort of event rolls around and stirs her up. A party, a gathering, an event - she thrives on these things. This really revs her up. She is a perfectionist. And she will not quit until everything is under control. Until every detail is tended to and every detail is picture perfect. Someone once told me she would make a great art director - she sees the world in vignettes. Perfect vignettes. She even notices the perfect vignettes every where she goes. In movies, in homes, in shops, in restaurants, in nature, hell, she can see it almost anywhere and when things are not aesthetically pleasing to her, she has a desire to fix it or change it or "direct it". She is really scary and she needs to learn to relax. Wine helps. (when all else fails), but she also likes to be in control of that too, so it never gets out of hand, just necessary sometimes.
Ok, there. "Pirhana bitch" is just about done for the day. The drink has finally mellowed me enough that I actually feel less bitchy. Like I said, necessary sometimes.
And one last thing, one more apology. I promised a friend I would do a favour for them today and I ran out of time and it will have to wait until tomorrow - please don't be mad - tomorrow, I promise!
I really need a holiday.
PS. If you hear something strange and wolf-like coming from the north shore of Lake Ontario near Port Credit tonight, it is just the "pirhana bitch" howling at the full moon.