Thursday, April 30, 2009

38D is the new 34B

Call me crazy. Call me prudish, (although you'd be wrong about that). Call me an old broad whose own has seen better days, but I think there is a time and a place for exposed cleavage. I live down the street from the local high school. I walk by that school nearly everyday and I never get used to the amount of exposed skin I see on the girls that go there. I don't want to launch into a big rant about "back in my day", however, the plain truth is, the boys in the class of 1975 would still be trying to graduate if they had sat through class day after day feasting their eyes on the girls in the class of 2012. Not only do these young women dress like they are headed to the beach, they seem to barely fit into their bikini tops! In the class of 1975, if I had to hazard a guess, I would say the average bra size was in the vicinity of a 34B. Not today. That would be considered flat-chested. The gals today are easily sporting good solid sets of 38D or higher and that bodacious bodice is most often accompanied by long legs and a boyish hip of around 32 inches or less. As Carrie Fisher's character in When Harry Met Sally said, "Big tits, small ass, your basic nightmare.", when describing Harry's new squeeze to Sally. It has been speculated (actually proven by now for all I know) that the hormones present in dairy products today are responsible for all this "over" growth. (Geez, if we'd known back in the day, we'd have said "Bring it on.") What ever the scientific reason for this voluptuous new generation of mammaries, it is still incredulous to me that today's young women think it is perfectly OK to flaunt what they've got.....at school. As early as grade 7. Yes, that's right. Grade 7. The summer after grade six when my very modest daughter returned to school in September, there were several of her classmates eager to show the world what had sprouted over the summer. (That was Catholic school and I have the class photo to prove it.) What ever happened to creating an air of mystery? Between exposed thongs and push-up bras, what's left to the imagination? Maybe that's why the boys started wearing over-sized baggy pants, crotch hanging to the knees - a tent to hide their constant state of arousal. Why else? I mean, REALLY, why else? They may want to call it fashion. I call it what it is. Slutty. Cheap. Desperate for attention. You pick. I am all for a woman feeling and looking like a woman. Notice, I said woman. Not girl. These girls don't understand what it really means to be in touch with their femininity yet. They have put the cart before the horse. Apparently, this is also true in their approach to sex. Oral sex, once considered the ultimate intimate act with a partner, is now as ordinary as a goodnight kiss. How did we evolve to this place? Perhaps evolve is the wrong word. It seems more like a step backward to me. I find it sad. In an effort to create a balanced rant about all this flesh feasting, there are plenty of more mature women who should add a little extra fabric once in a while too. Nobody is interested in looking at your hoisted hooters crammed into a bra 3 times too small. Are you reading this, Paula Abdul? Have some dignity ladies. If you haven't been able to pass the pencil test for a decade, don't go there. All the lycra in the world won't make you look 29 again. If you can't pull off sexy after 40 without resorting to publicly pressing your pushed and plumped up pair in his eyes, well, you likely never were. As I said in the beginning of this titillating tome, there is a time and place for a partially revealed rack. Black tie affairs.(tastefully though ladies) The beach. Poolside. A romantic candlelight dinner a deux. The bedroom. The privacy of your own home. You get the picture. But in broad daylight in the middle of Math class? I think not.

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