Friday, April 17, 2009
Like, 50 is the new 25!
Whoa! The idea train keeps switching tracks every 5 minutes this morning. Not sure where I'm taking you today, but feel free to head to the dining car if you need a drink in order to follow me here. As you know, I am probably spending way too much time thinking about aging these days. I'm sure I fit into a very typical pattern, in fact I think the term "mid-life crisis" pretty much sums it up. Books have been written about it. I remember reading Passages by Gail Sheehy long before I needed to (maybe I need to re-read it now). So who knew that there was a simple, easy way to present myself as a younger me? According to an article in this morning's Globe and Mail, all I have to do is speak differently. Like, wow, I can totally do that! It's free. It's painless. I don't even have to eat less. And apparently, it does not "reflect stupidity or poor grammar - it is merely a linguistic trend". This "valley girl" speak that I have managed to avoid for the last 20 years is actually a sure way to identify my age. I've also worked hard to eliminate "eh" from my speech, but that one doesn't bother me so much when it slips out from time to time. I'm not embarrassed to be Canadian. My own sweet 14 year old daughter is often kind enough to point it out when I start using it too often.(when did she become such a language critic?) There is one phrase I have used to good effect over the years though. It works particularly well during "disagreements" with my husband. Just when I am at the point of utter hopelessness in convincing him I am right, I turn my back, start to walk away and in my most sarcastic, bitchy tone, spew those two (or is it one?) words - "What ever!" How does one respond to that? It's like a slap in the face. It ends the conversation with a sudden and abrupt finality. I like it. It gives me more time to come up with new barbs and arrows. And now it turns out, it is also an alternative to Botox! So, like, as long as I go around talking like a girl half my age, people won't be able to tell how old I am, right? No, instead they'll just say, "Wow, like that girl looks way older than she sounds". Or alternatively, I could speak older, saying things like "He doth have a fine six-pack on him", or "She sayeth she really shan't have another martini". That's the ticket! Then people would say, "Wow, that woman looks way younger than she sounds." If this new trend really does reflect "the evolution of Canadian society", what will the next generation sound like? It won't be long before we're back to grunting in our caves. In the meantime, I think I'll stick to the occasional "eh" and keep "whatever" in my combat arsenal, ready for fire when needed. I don't look 25 and I sure don't want to sound like it either.