Get Twiggy With it!

There seems to be no end to the organic twiggy trend in design these days and I for one, love it.  I recently scored this awesome Bill Sofield lamp at the close out sale at Studio B in Oakville and I was so excited at my luck, I could barely contain myself!  That is it in the photo above - it looks better in real life.  The base is covered in ivory leather and the actual twiggy part is a bit more gold in tone.  I have not put it anywhere yet, as I actually do not have a spot for it.  I plan to put in on the hallway console table I have yet to buy! 

Or, alternatively, on the desk I have yet to buy.  It is in my storage locker for now, and every now and again, I look around my condo and try to figure out a place it could go in the meantime, but there really is no spot for it no matter how hard I try. Crazy, right?  Buying a lamp I cannot use.  But I will, and soon. Either that, or one of my friends is going to get a really nice hostess gift at their cottage this summer!  Hopefully before the twiggy trend goes by way of the coral trend.  OK, so the coral can still work in certain applications - surely in your Hampton's house or your Caribbean villa, but in Toronto, it's a bit of a stretch.  I would allow a nice chunk on a book shelf, or one piece of wall art, but PLEASE, stop at one.  Don't repeat.  Even though repetition is something we use in design, that is not what we are talking about.

Same for the twiggy thing.  One hit.  Not twigs and branches everywhere.  There are some great twiggy lighting ideas on this website - take a look.  www.instyle-decor.com.  One wall sconce in particular.  Love this one below.

You could do a pair of these depending on the wall size and what you were flanking, but again, exercise caution.  Two could be overkill here.

 

As for my lamp, it will remain rooted in my building basement for now, perhaps it will be ready for its debut, its leafing out, so to speak in the spring or summer when the proper home is found. 

Perhaps a reclaimed wood console table base with a nice glass top.....I will be hunting.

If anyone sees one on sale, let me know! 

Oscar and Me

This will be a live streamed blog as I watch the Oscars.  It is now 8:47 pm EST.  The red carpet show is over and the actual awards have begun. 

First things first.  With all the dresses available in the world, you would think there would not be even one ugly dress worn.  But, alas, there may be a lot of money available to spend on them, but that does not guarantee the buyers have taste.  Or even an eye for what looks good on their own bodies.  My GAWD, what are some of these women thinking? For starters, forest/hunter green belongs in nature, not on one's body, unless you have red hair and alabaster skin - Glenn Close - take note.

On a more positive note, everyone could take a lesson from Gwyneth Paltrow - the best dress, hand's down - elegant, feminine, sleek.  And you can say, well, anything would look good on that body, but in her case, it is both.  She has the body to carry anything, but she also chooses the most tasteful gowns in the softest most luscious colours and fabrics and the simple addition of just a diamond studded cuff and big dinner ring, no earrings, no necklace - so understated - perfection.  Close behind was Penelope Cruz in her steely grey chiffon with that off the shoulder wrap neckline accentuating the sexy curve of her neck and collarbone and fitted bodice followed by the full billowing layers of silky chiffon - the ultimate princess dress that any girl would look great in, no matter the body shape or size.

Third place is awarded to George Clooney's girlfriend, (former wrestler! WTF!?), Stacy Keibler.  Maybe George likes being pinned down? Anyway, her dress looked like spun gold, draping her tall lithe figure like the designer just took the fabric and wrapped her in it and fashioned a rosette on her right pelvic bone - like those DIY drapery swags we used to do on our windows in the 80's, but much better of course.  Her golden blonde hilighted hair worn long and pulled to one side, the opposite side of the rosette, was the perfect balancing act and her chunky diamond drop earring that was so boldly exposed was the right weight and shape for her face and added the ideal sparkle and glam.  She looked exquisite. 

A few other observations.  Emma Stone - too much bow!, Jennifer Lopez - too many creases, Milla Jovovich - too much shoulder padding, Michelle Williams - one too many poofy layers, Meryl Streep - too much fabric.

Good to have Billy Crystal back as host - he is perfect for the job.  Never a bore, liked by everyone; his opening number is always a chuckle. He did not disappoint.  They could do away with the lame attempts at humour by some of the presenters.  They mostly fall flat, with the exception of Chris Rock who does not know how to be anything but funny.  But what is up with his hair?  Are afros back?  Did I not get that memo? 

The Cirque de Soleil performance was just simply WOW - what they are able to do with their bodies is extraordinary and as Billy Crystal so aptly put it, he "pulled a hamstring just watching!" 

Some of the winners so far, some artsy looking guy with long silvery/white hair won for cinematography and when he got up to give his speech, and the camera zoomed in, it surprised me that he did not actually have a face that matched the age of his hair, if that makes sense.  A good candidate for Grecian Formula if he wanted to look a decade younger at least. 

Octavia Spencer's win for The Help - no surprise there - well-deserved.  And, GO commonwealth countries - so far, Canadian,  Christopher Plummer in Beginners and just now, a Kiwi, Bret McKenzie for best original song for The Muppets Movie. 

Ok - time out - what is it about Angelina Jolie that annoys me so much?  Gee, could it be that she comes across as so insincere?, or was it just that stupid move she just made with her leg - as in- "look everyone - I have a high slit in my dress and I wanna make sure you all notice." Ugh! Gag me.  Brad could do so much better. And for Christ's sakes girl, eat a bloody carb! Your arms are positively skeletal, creepy really. You actually CAN be too thin - she did not get THAT memo!

Now we are getting to the part of the Oscars that I find the most tedious.  The last hour when I can barely keep my eyes open any longer.  But the hour where the most important awards are handed out.  Will I make it? Not if they keep doing the awards we don't care about.  Snore.

Now - the scrolling of everyone who died this year - still hanging in there....was Steve Jobs an actor?  Not in alphabetical order - they saved Liz Taylor for last for dramatic impact - it worked.

Now I start thinking about how early I have to get up and how much staying up this late will impact my day tomorrow. 

That's it folks - can't make it.....but George and Brad, head to head - really wanted to see that award.  Pushing through here. Here it comes. Best actor. Neither. The Frenchman - Jean Dujardin. I liked that film - The Artist.  He was great.  Brad and George can battle it out another year.

Now I am done. Nite. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........no wait  - best actress next - ok, five more minutes. This was a tough one - but Meryl, the queen, The Iron Lady - she was incredible Now I am crying. Either she was really speaking from the heart, or she is even better than we know.

Ok, Ok, one more award.  Best Picture.  And the oscar goes to.......

that silent film.....The Artist.  Thanks for making me see it Ems.  You were right.

Meditations on Design

How did I end up in such a quandary?  A lifetime spent admiring and appreciating design.  Fashion design, interior design, graphic design. Visuals. Lines. Curves. Forms. Textures. Finishes. Colours. Patterns. Art. Crafts. Creativity.

Beauty.

Beauty enough to make you weep sometimes. Beauty you want to surround yourself with.  Create a cocoon of it around you.  An Hermes scarf about my neck. A Barcelona chair in the corner. A Scavolini kitchen to prepare my food in. A Maserati to transport me to work. A Chanel bag to hold my lipstick.  Do I need any of it? No, of course not. Is it even possible? Some of it - maybe. (I do have the Hermes Scarf) Does it mean anything in the end? Not at all.

Then why, oh why, do we enjoy it so much?  What drives the world to covet these things?  Have you ever studied the fine details of such things?  The perfect and precise stitching on a designer handbag, the luxurious silk lining, the soft and supple leather, the well thought out interior details for function and the quality of the clasps and handles or straps? There is no comparison to a mass-produced fake leather bag.  None whatsoever.  So, is it really the logo we want?  Maybe for some, but not for me.  I am not fussy about which designer logo is attached to it.  I am more concerned about the quality of the item - no matter what it may be. 

I am definitely not interested in the latest and greatest.  I would just as soon find a fabulous bag at a consignment shop despite the year it came out, as long as it was well maintained and in good condition and the real deal, not a knock-off.

I did the knock-off thing once in NYC.  Ventured down to Canal Street and slithered into a low-ceilinged basement with some Asian woman in flip flops and baggy pants.  It was an adventure to be sure.  Seedy.  Illegal.  Creepy.  I bought a knock-off Chanel bag, a Gucci bag and wallet and my bff bought 3 bags as well.  We made off with our green garbage bag full of loot and within a year, all of our bags had either broken straps or clasps and were toast.  I have a lovely Fendi bag I bought nearly 10 years ago that still looks and functions great.  Living proof that quality trumps every time. 

Anyone with a sense of style does not have to have the latest of any collection every season.  That is easily executed with accessories.  Add those to your quality basics and you are good to go. Good design does not have to be out of reach.  You just have to be savvy and know where to shop and snap it up when it presents itself.  That of course is doable with fashion, but what about the bigger ticket things?  The kitchen and the car?  That may take a little more work.  But when I figure it out, I'll let you know...or not.

But back to my quandary.  How does one relinquish the attachment to these things and still work in the design field? I read a quote the other day - it went something like this - "Freedom belongs to the rich and powerful, or the artist or monk who relinquishes all attachment to things."  If that is true, then most of the world is living in that middle ground. Does that mean that the majority are not free?  And does not being free mean they are unhappy? Is it so black and white?  Can freedom only be attained at either end of that spectrum? 

Does that mean the entire group in the middle are either trying to become rich and powerful or shedding their possessions and moving to an ashram in India? What to do? What to do?  The answer I think lies in living in the moment as much as possible.  Practice being grateful for the things you do have and don't kill yourself trying to attain that bag or that car or that kitchen.  Stay open to the possibility that anything can happen in your life and that whatever does happen, happens for a reason that you may or may not ever figure out.

You don't have to own a Picasso to enjoy one - just google it!  Or frame a poster. Go to a museum and sit and stare.  There are choices. There are ways.

One thing for sure - I won't lose a minute of sleep worrying about it.

Not one.

Where were "you" in 1977?

When I ran my own business up until 3 years ago, I ended up on a gazillion mailing lists and a lot of it is still coming to me despite the fact that most of it is useless to me now.  I just toss most of it, but there is one that keeps coming that I continue to look at just because it is so inspired and beautiful to absorb. I don't know how I ended up on their list, but I regularly receive invitations to openings at this art gallery called Sundaram Tagore Gallery.  The invites are lovely to look at and are printed on heavy glossy card stock with stunning photos.

There are three of them, one in NYC, one in Beverly Hills and one in Hong Kong.  Even when I did run my own show, I never attended any of their openings although the thought of it always intrigued me.  They feature the most amazing artists and their spaces are all airy and open and I am sure their patrons are members of those city's upper crust, cultured and interesting, educated, well-heeled and pretentious crowd.  Mixed in with that group would be a scattering of genuinely unique and talented individuals that would attract me, make me want to engage in conversation with them.  They would provide me with some jolt of inspiration or motivate me to get in touch with my own creative yearnings.  I would leave the evening of wine and chatter renewed and ignited - I love it when that happens.

Recently I watched Midnight in Paris and anytime I read or watch anything related to that whole artistic movement back then, I long for such an experience myself.  The closest I ever came I suppose was when I was backpacking through Europe in 1977 and spent a day with George Whitman at Shakespeare and  Company in Paris.  I was a naive 19 yr old girl with not much more than a spirit of adventure and the desire to leave my small town life behind me and see the world.  George died a couple of months ago, his daughter now runs the shop, but I will never forget that day with him and the sign in his office - "To those who cherish freedom, practice equality and seek justice, Welcome!" 

Imagine the lessons I learned that year.  I started out in September and returned in December an entirely different gal.  It was the best education I could have had.  That afternoon with George was just one of dozens of life-altering experiences that took place that autumn.  So today, when I read something on an astrology blog that said for the next month we should try to reflect back to 1977, because something that happened that year was likely to repeat itself in the next few weeks. Since that trip was the highlight of that year for me, I can only imagine that whatever is about to manifest must have something to do with that same thirst for change and adventure perhaps.

I did something ballsy that year. I was fearless.  I had no real plan and not much money, but I acted totally on instinct and desire and went for it.  It was awesome. I figured it out as I went and just relished each new experience as it presented itself. I experienced wonder, joy, danger, fear, surprise, awe, growth and learned so much about myself and the world around me daily. More than the entire 18 years leading up to that adventure.

It was one of the best times of my life. Unforgettable. Life-changing.

Me at my very best.

So the question is - what could possibly mirror that? 2012 may start to get really interesting.

Just Try and Stop Me!

Have you ever noticed that "No U Turn" signs are always erected exactly where you want to make a U Turn?  I am not a big rule follower and as I get older, even less so.  I am OK with rules that are in place to protect children or keep people from real harm, but rules like "No U Turn" really annoy me.  If I am not going to screw up traffic, or get in anyone's way, I see no reason not to make a U Turn and guess what?  I do it all the time.  I look around to make sure I won't bug anyone and then I do a second check for a cop who might be parked in the nearby doughnut shop, and then I do it! I break the law. I turn my steering wheel into the turn with gusto and daring and I make the bloody U Turn.

In fact, today, I made 3 U Turns - yup - count em - 3.  I shaved a good 5 minutes off my driving time, did not interfere with the traffic patterns and I felt good doing it.  I think there is some underlying psychology here.  Some inner rebel yell looking for a safe outlet to escape. I have a "need" to break the rules and perhaps see this as a "safe" alternative.  Maybe. Maybe not.

It kind of goes hand in hand with my desire to have more fun these days.  Having been through a shitstorm this past year, the emotional drain of it all has left me craving some lightheartedness, some release from the heavy ongoing obstacles and responsibilities of my life.  I cranked up Cindy Lauper in the car the other day - Girls Just Want to Have Fun - when was the last time I really felt that carefree?  Too long ago - that's how long.

So maybe my U Turns today were symbolic of just that.  I am about to  make a U Turn maybe.  Break some rules. Let my hair down. Stop worrying.  Go with the flow.  Listen to my inner voice. Just be.

Just bloody be.

This one's for the Girls!

Everyone else should get in line!

Happy Valentine's Day to all my awesome gal pals!

The Heart of the Matter

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here tonight and confess a couple of things about myself.  Don't get too excited, I am not going to share my sexual fantasies or anything, although that might garner a few more readers....or not.  No, I am going to talk about Valentine's Day.

  My name is Debra and I am a Valoholic.  I like pink. I like red. I like heart shapes. I like romance. I like flowers. I like chocolate. (I don't like stuffed animals with shirts that say "I Wuv you!") - I am not completely mad!), I like that there is a day set aside to honour love. I am a sappy romantic fool. I once spent an entire Valentine's Day making heart shaped chocolate shortbread cookies and letter shapes that spelled out I LOVE YOU DADDY as a Valentine's tribute to my ex-husband from my then 2 yr old daughter.  I laid them out on the dining room table so he could see it when he got home from work. 

In primary school, I loved the collection of Valentines from my classmates. I would spend the night before that day carefully selecting the best Valentine's from the box to give to the cutest boys. The boys I thought were icky got the one's I did not like so much.  The one's that said "Happy Valentine's Day", not ever "Be Mine" or "You have my heart". God knows I did not ever want to mislead that boy who picked his nose in class all day.  But at the same time, I never wanted to exclude anyone for fear of hurting someones feelings by not getting one at all. 

My daughter once told me a story of a boy in her grade 3 class who had the courage to give his crush a box of chocolates on V-Day and she tossed them on the playground cement and crushed them (and his heart) with the sole of her shoe.  This story, relayed to me the next day made my own heart break.  That poor boy - how devastated he must  have been. 

When I was in grade 2 myself, a boy who liked me came to my house after dinner on Valentine's Day and knocked on the front door and when I looked down from the second story window of my house and saw him standing on our front porch, I was horrified.  "Why was he here?"  I was painfully shy at 7 and when my father called me to come down;  I was frozen with fear and trepidation.  I could not come down the stairs.  He eventually left without being able to present me with his card and chocolates and to this day I hope he does not think I did not like him.  That was the problem.  I did.

I have long since gotten over that timidity, but I would still be touched if a boy came to my door with a card and chocolates and I would graciously accept his heartfelt offering even if I was not interested in him.  Any gift given from the heart deserves thanks from the recipient - it's simply good manners.

There are those of you who scoff at Valentine's Day, you know who you are.  A Hallmark Holiday you say, a day where you are made to feel obligated to spend money on over-priced flowers or meaningless gifts, but is a gift ever meaningless?  I suppose if you put no thought whatsoever into it, or your heart is not in it, or you feel you are jumping on a bandwagon with the herd, however, even a gift purchased and given under duress is better than no gift at all to a girl who grew up with cinnamon heart sweetened breath on February 14th for her entire childhood.

Very few of the significant men in my past have ever been very big on Valentine's Day, so I reluctantly accepted their view on it and swept it under the carpet.  But truth be known, I always wanted to be swept off my feet on that day, and I am quite sure I am not alone.  It is ingrained in our DNA from the get-go.  Sleepless in Seattle, the Elvis Costello version of My Funny Valentine, the more recent Teenage Dream by Katy Perry and the movie Valentine's Day - the never-ending barrage of sweet sappy sentiment in song and movies and poetry - is it so wrong?  Should we pretend we don't care, vainly trying to protect our fragile hearts? 

I say no.  Open your hearts ladies!  Tell your men you want to feel adored. You want them to lavish you with attention.  You want them to step up to the plate and hit that home run into your heart. Be vulnerable. Be you. Be a girl.

Open your heart wide and let someone in.  If they don't come in...their loss.

Is your figure less than greek?

Is your mouth a little weak?

When you open it to speak,

are you smart?

Don't change a hair for me,

not if you care for me,

Stay little Valentine, stay,

Each day is Valentine's Day

"My Funny Valentine"

by

Lorenz Hart

A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses. - Chinese Proverb

Dear Bono, I have been a very good girl this year.......

The mind boggling numbers have been hovering around in my head since I heard them.  He invested about 90 million a few short years ago in Facebook and now it is worth close to a billion! That's right folks - with the Facebook IPO, U2's illustrious leader will become the world's richest rock star, surpassing Paul McCartney and Sir Elton and god knows who else.

So, I have decided to go on the record here and officially ask Bono to lend me $100,000, interest free to be paid back in full if and when my first novel or screenplay (still debating here) becomes a huge hit.  That will be just about enough to allow me to take 2 years off work to complete my masterpiece.  Seriously - we are talking chump change here. 

Would it help if I told him that The Joshua Tree is in my top ten fave albums of all time?  Or, that when I hear some people criticize him, I defend him? Or, that I will gladly contribute a portion of my profits to whatever charity he likes or is supporting at the time? Is there anything I can say to convince him? 

He won't even notice it missing, I am sure.  And I would be grateful forever if he could please help me, one of his long time fans realize her lifelong dream.

Cause she "still hasn't found what she's looking for."

And she is pretty damn sure, living that dream would be it.

Bootyliscious AND Organic

OK folks, sabbatical is over.  It was needed and I am grateful I took one but it felt like a missing limb not writing this blog for the last couple of months, so here we go.

I can't decide if I want to talk about the Sha'Bam class I participated in today or the cost of eating Organic and my constant search for affordable Organic produce and groceries, but let's start with the Sha'Bam workout.

I have long thought that it would be great to be able to dance like I did back in the day when I was in my 20's and in the bars and clubs all the time without having to stay up past 11 pm and drink my face off.  Sha'Bam is close to a solution.  I went with a friend who assured me it was so much fun and such a good work out that I would love it.  I did get an amazing work out, but did I love it? Yes and no.  The problem with any of these classes is that I don't get to pick the  music.  I don't get to FEEL the music the way I want to feel it in order to really lose myself in the class.  And then there is the inevitable issue of being in a room full of sweaty bodies, many of whom are even more hopeless than I am at keeping the pace or think they are Jennifer Beals in Flashdance like the 30-something gay guy one row up and right of me who was cracking me up with his flailing arms and theatrical manoeuvres. At one point he jumped up on the stage with the instructor, so lost in the music, he forgot his place - you GO girl!

I actually did find myself in the groove from time to time, lost myself in my moves, but no sooner did I feel my body at one with the music, the instructor would change up the choreography while I stumbled to learn the next move trying not to body slam the woman next to me who looked like I could easily knock her over with my baby finger she was so skinny. Skinny but flabby - what's up with that? If the day ever came where I weighed 110 lbs soaking wet, you can be damn sure there would be a complete absence of flab.  Size zero with muffin top - it's beyond me.

However, the class is promoted as a "no rules" - go with your inner dancey diva of choice but don't go too crazy, cause despite the claim, it is still choreographed and believe me, no one wants to see your version of a pussy-cat doll, so don't go loosening up your buttons baby or shaking your less than bootyliscious bottom a la Beyonce unless you are SURE you can pull it off.  Leave that to the instructors and dream on.

After sweating it out on the dance floor, next stop on my Sunday afternoon here in sunny Toronto, was a trip to the Organic Garage in Oakville.  Rumour had it that THIS was THE place to go for affordable organic produce and groceries, and although a bit out of my hood, would be worth the drive for all the money I would save. Anything could surely beat the prices at Whole Foods (aka- Whole Pay Cheque) or Planet Organic, so I was pumped. Sadly, it was a pleasant diversion at best.  Surely there were a few staples that were slightly lower-priced than what you might pay elsewhere, but in the end not worth the gas money to get there. Bummer.  Having said that, the staff were really friendly and the Earthbound Farms lettuce I buy all the time was a buck cheaper and the organic Tree Hugger OJ was as well.  The rest was about the same or a tad less or more depending on what it was. 

I think the government should give kick-backs on all organic grocery purchases which when you consider the health benefits might help keep so many unhealthy folks from sucking the living daylights out of  the government funded health insurance plans in this country.  There is some food for thought Harper - stop and smell the toxin-free coffee brewing in the kitchens of health-conscious Canadians Stevie - just sayin.

Same goes for fitness and sports club memberships - reward the efforts, give everyone a chance to get fit and healthy and while you are at it, jump in and break a sweat yourself chief - just a suggestion.

Whew!  OK, there we go, a little spewing on a Sunday's eve, good for the soul...aaannndddd, she's BACK. 

Stay tuned.   

Taking a Break

Please consider a trip down memory lane and visit  my blog archive - in particular some of the 2009 Xmas season blogs.  Scroll down the sidebar to the left and click on 2009. Happy Holidays everyone!  I hope to be back in the New Year with some fresh perspectives.

Decomama xo

OK, OK, I'm coming!

About an hour ago, I was driving toward home from the east, heading straight west, the sun just starting to head toward the horizon, but still up high enough in the sky to necessitate wearing my sunglasses.  There were some big puffy clouds obscuring parts of it and there were several minutes where the beauty of this scene was so intense in my mind that it brought tears to my eyes.  This happens to me occasionally when I am awestruck by something so perfect it fills my heart with something akin to how I felt when my daughter was first born and I could not stop staring at her.  I was so full of love for her tiny innocent self, this seeming miracle that had bestowed itself upon me. For weeks I was almost trance-like.  I will never forget that time in my life where nothing else seemed to matter.  She was and still is one of the greatest gifts of my life.

So now, whenever I experience even a moment of that sort of intense feeling, I am reminded of what is important and precious in my life.  Now, a short time later, I am sitting looking out from my perch here on the 16th floor and the full moon is casting it's glow on the lake and twice within an hour I have been moved to tears by the perfect simplicity of nature.  These are the things that feed my soul and lately I could use as much of this "food" as I can possibly get.

I have to admit, the introspective journey that I have been on for the last couple of years had better be coming to an end soon, because I am getting so fatigued by my own navel-gazing that if it doesn't end soon, I may have to go back to that unconscious place I was living in before all this started and after all the work I have done that would really be such a waste of growth, not to mention excellent fodder for my novel.  But really, did I have to fall into the depths of despair to be able to crank out some good material?  I think many artists who have gone before me have.  I am hesitant to lump myself in with them, but I do think that lots of creativity is born of "hitting rock bottom".

That is not to say I have had a drug or drinking problem.  I have not.  But I would say I have had a "crisis of consciousness" so to speak that has felt like rock bottom some days.  I have and still am completely transforming my life and it has been perhaps the scariest and most exciting time in my entire existence.  No, I have not found Jesus, nor have I accepted him as my personal saviour in case you are wondering.  But I have come through a rebirth of sorts.  Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Those are pretty major I reckon. I have rejected the status quo (huge for me), walked away from what most would consider a good marriage, bared my soul and needs and flaws to anyone willing to listen, (like Meryl Streep in Out of Africa), shed more pounds than I care to admit and strengthened my body and immune system drastically, changed my work, succeeded beyond my wildest dreams and then plummeted just as quickly, faced death and illness in my extended family, left behind some of my joys and passions to  pursue new ones, made new friends and ended relationships that no longer served my growth or fed my soul, re-ignited parts of me that were lost and buried and those are just some of the things that have happened.

Whew!  It tired me out just listing it all.  Essentially, I have just opted to follow the path of my soul's purpose in this life, as difficult as it has been and it has taken all my courage and all my energy and it has been extremely painful and extremely joyful and I have never felt so alive in my entire life.

Would I recommend it?  Yes and no.  It is certainly not for the faint of heart.  Nor is it for everyone.  Would I do it all over again?  The jury may still be out on this one.  One thing I know for sure - sometimes it is necessary.  I  just knew in my heart it was for me.  I had to listen.  I read a quote about a year or so ago that sort of summed it up perfectly...

"You might as well answer the door my child, the truth is furiously knocking." - Lucille Clifton 

 

It's all Greek to her.

Ancient History.  The Classics. Greek and Roman Mythology.....with a minor in Film Studies.  How about that?  This my dear readers is what my lovely daughter wants to study in university next year.  She has come a long way from wanting to be a veterinarian.  I'm not really sure if she actually wanted to do that or if her father and I were pushing her in that direction.  There was a time when she loved animals so much that it seemed natural, but all that has changed now.

Lots of things have changed for her in the last few years.  She has grown up, matured, found something she is passionate about, traveled to Scotland, England, France, Germany, Belgium and beautiful British Columbia.  At 17 she has had more worldly experiences than many and certainly more than I had had at that age.  I did not really start to travel the world until I was 19, so she has a good head start on me.

The environment she has grown up in is so vastly different from what my reality was at her age.  I am continually surprised by how much she knows that she has not even experienced largely due to the Internet and the world at her fingertips.  The library is a thing of the past now. Just Google it - it's so simple.  In about 9 months, the same time it took my body to nurture her into being, she will be taking the next big step in her life. 

I am not one of those parents who frets and worries about her leaving.  I am actually excited for her, knowing that the next few years will be some of the most wonderful years of her life.  She will make life long friends, learn how to fend for herself, fill her brain with knowledge, get up to a bit of mischief maybe (currently she is a self-professed geek), so I hope she does let loose a bit and hopefully figure out who she is and what her soul's path is in this life.  I am so fortunate.  She has been easy.  Not perfect, but never difficult.  She marches to her own drum and is not a follower.  Sometimes that can be a bit lonely for her I imagine, but it suits her and it certainly makes life easier for me.

I have never had to worry about her getting into a car with other kids who are under the influence.  She does not hang with that kind of crowd.  She is very conscious of what is right and wrong and she is almost a bit too cautious sometimes, but again, I rarely worry she is making the wrong choices.  I still wonder how the hell she came from me sometimes.  It does speak to how your environment plays a key role in one's development though.  She grew up in a peaceful, loving and supportive home as an only child, so she did not even have a sibling to influence her decisions.  She knows I was a bit of a wild child and she loves hearing tales of my own misspent youth, but she does not feel the  need or desire to follow suit (thank god).

She has spent the past two weekends touring her top two picks for university.  One is in Ottawa and the other in Peterborough.  Either is fine with me - but time will tell where she ends up.  For now, she needs to work to get the grades to get in - that is the current challenge.  How badly does she want it?  That is really the question.  She is beyond capable, but she is typical in some ways when it comes to being a teenager.   Focus is not her strong suit.  Nor is time management and organization.  I do believe she will get there.  But it won't come easy.  This term will determine her course, so it is critical to do well.  That is a lot of pressure at 17.  I don't know if I could  have done it.  I went back to school at 24 as a mature student - I was not even close to ready after high school.  I went to the school of "travel" instead.  It was the right route for me, but it is not for everyone. 

I dropped out of community college after one year of a two year program and hit the road, backpack slung over my shoulders and no bloody idea of what I was doing or even where I was going other than I was landing in Amsterdam and I would figure the rest out when I got there.  Pretty ballsy now when I think about it - but at the time it was all I wanted to do.  See the world.  Get the hell out of Dodge.

If she came to me next summer and said she wanted to do the same thing I am not sure how I would respond.  It's a different world now.  I hitched rides all through Europe, took the odd train, had a few close calls with danger but survived to tell the tales.  Those days are long gone.  Her experience would need to be more planned, safer, more structured.  I grew up without any of the safety nets our kids have now.  Why would it have been any different trekking around the world without a plan or seat belts, or a specified destination at the end of the day?  I do wonder if we have coddled our kids too much. 

In any case, she is about to venture away without me and although her reality will be vastly different from mine, it will be her adventure with her signature on it and that is what really matters.

The world of academia awaits.  You go girl.......my girl, my sweet child.

Not long out of the Cave....that has to be it.

I was going to ignore it, but it has been a few days now and I just cannot.  I am compelled to talk about this.  This will not be one of my humourous blogs.  There is no room for humour here.  Not even a little bit. NONE. NADA.

By now, most of you are aware or have seen the video of the little 2 year old girl in China being struck by a panel van in the street.  The video shows her being hit, rolled over with both sets of tires, the truck moving off and not stopping.  Then it gets worse.  People pass by and glance at her and keep walking.  And worse again.  Another vehicle hits her a second time.  Still no one stays at the scene and people keep ignoring her plight.

Finally someone scoops her body off the side of the road and takes her away.  She is still alive, barely.  I have since learned that the driver was caught, thanks to the video that captured the entire thing happening.  Then I learned that he ran over her with his back tires on purpose to make sure she was "good and dead".  Apparently, dead is better than injured as he has to pay less compensation to her family.  Had she had medical bills, he would have been responsible to pay those for her family.

As I write these words, the shock of all of this is still processing in my brain.  I find the entire thing almost impossible to comprehend.  Such utter disregard for human life.  The driver was not even going very fast.  Surely he had time to stop, to brake before he struck her.  Even if it was an accident, the fact that he did not get out of his van to help her, again, strikes me as beyond inhumane.  A small innocent child treated in this manner is the most appalling of atrocities.  I know this is not the first time, nor will it be the last that someone of my own human race has acted in such a barbaric manner.  It does nothing to comfort me.

It makes me feel ashamed to be part of the collective.  As I try to understand how anyone could behave in this manner, I ask myself many questions.  Could this happen in my country?  Is it a race thing?  Is it a sex thing (girls having little worth in some cultures)?  Is it a complete nation lacking in any soul or conscience? Was this perhaps some sort of divine intervention for that poor child - will she be better off dead than live amongst such a heartless tribe?

If you do the math, the number of people that did not help her far outweigh the one person who finally did stop to come to her aid as she lay limp and bleeding at the side of the road, alone, vulnerable, in pain, helpless.  What brought them to this point in  their lives?  What atrocities have been wrought upon them to leave them in such an unfeeling zombie-like state?  And how does one begin to try and fix them?  Can they be healed? 

It makes me angry.  It stuns me.  It fills my heart with grief.  Yet, my life goes on.  I will wake up tomorrow and be grateful for the sunrise, for my daughter sleeping peacefully in her cozy cocoon of down and feathers, for food that is plentiful, for my surroundings and my shelter from any storm, for my good health.

What I will be especially grateful for though is this.  I will appreciate the fact that if I ever accidentally struck a small child on the road, I would stop my car and do everything in my  power to help her....or him....or even if it was a dog or a cat.  I would take responsibility and my heart would ache for what had happened.  I am thankful I would FEEL something.  For that, in my mind is what sets us apart from the animal kingdom.  Perhaps there are still people out there in this world that walk and talk like humans, but really are not quite that evolved yet.

Surely, the people involved in this incident are not long out of the cave. 

Perhaps that is it.

What's the Point?

It has come to my attention that there may be some confusion as to the purpose of this blog.  Some see it as an on-line diary, others as an occasional commentary on current events, either in the world at large or just in my own life.  The purpose for me is to express myself, keep improving my writing by just writing regularly and to entertain the few who do read or care about what I have to say.

I have said it before and I will say it again - in an ideal world, I would be like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City and would actually get paid for my ramblings. I want to be a columnist. I am after all an experienced, educated woman, mother, design professional and sporty gal that feels I actually do have the odd thing to say or share or rant about.

Some women like to knit or paint or engage in some sort of hobby after a long day at the office.  I like to carve out a bit of time for this.  It is not always easy.  It is a little way down the priority list after working out, helping my daughter with her homework, cooking dinner, socializing and catching up on my reading......well the list goes on.  Like I said, I wish I had more time for blogging.  I find it creative, introspective and I can get lost in it so completely that it is also a good way to combat anxiety and stress which I rarely choose to "medicate" with alcohol.  My first choice for stress relief is exercise. It makes me feel awesome physically and mentally.  It is "hands down" the best "medication" for just about anything that ails you, particularly if you have a tendency toward depression.  Western medicine practitioners should be prescribing brisk walks in the fresh air before handing out prescriptions for antidepressants - give that a whirl before they automatically line the pockets of the drug companies and collect their kickbacks from them.....don't get me started.

  Exercise works way better and does not give me a hangover, just tighter abs and a firmer butt, which I think looks better on me than the bloodshot eyes and and other nasty side effects I see on some women.  There is a bar down the street from me that I walk by regularly and the smokers have to come out and stand on the street to get their nicotine fixes and I am generally shocked at the sad and sorry group of women my same age that are standing out there. Not only are they filling their lungs with toxins, they are dressed for prowling and most of them are waaaaay beyond looking good for this activity, but hey - maybe they are onto something - who knows?  I just know that is not for me.   

OK, so I just had to pause to help my daughter with her Philosophy studies.  She has a test on  Friday.  It has been quite awhile since I looked at all these definitions of various philosophical schools of thought.  I was most intrigued by Determinism.  I forgot that something I actually wonder about has actually got a name.  The definition is - "the theory that everything that occurs happens in accordance with some regular patterns or law; the view that human actions are completely determined by prior events."  Not to be confused with "fatalism" - the view that events are fixed and that humans can do nothing to alter them."

One could apply whichever philosophy suits them at any given time I suppose.  Currently, I think I may be falling into the "fatalist" category.  It helps me accept things.  It is flawed though much like anything.  It could be used as an excuse to stop trying.  To stop hoping.  To stop believing.  I recently read "Excuses Be Gone" by Wayne Dyer.  He made some really valid points.  We use excuses all the time.  "I don't have time, I can't afford it, it's the way I am, it will upset my family, and on and on.   All excuses.  We are all guilty of these in one way or another.  Check the book out if you find  you are finding excuses to not move forward in  your life - it is one of the best motivational books I have read in some time.  You have a lot more choices and control of your life than you realize - he will show you how to turn things around.  Highly recommend it.

OK, so where was I?  OK, yes, back to my blog's "purpose".  No, it is not "about" anything, it is about "everything".  It helps lead me to my "purpose".  The more "word vomit" I eject, the better I feel.  When someone responds to something I have written and finds it funny or informative or even just relateable, I am happy.  It gives me pleasure to know I have made someone think or laugh or cry or even get angry.  We are all human - we have feelings, we need to express ourselves.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me or even care about my words - I only care that by being able to express myself, I have revealed something of myself and by so doing, have opened my heart and my soul to make room for something new to enter.

That is what fulfills me.  (One thing, anyway.)

Keeping it Simple......not so Stupid

I am sitting here, my morning off, watching the waves crashing onto the shore here in Port Credit, music playing, sipping a nice latte, putting a plan in place for the rest of my day and a few things have occurred to me.  Nothing earth shattering really, but curious enough that I feel like sharing some of my thoughts.
They have to do with simplicity.  My latte for example.  No one can deny that it is a simple drink.  Brewed espresso with hot steamed milk, all warm and foamy and delicious.  Now you may be thinking I slipped out to Starbucks or The Second Cup to order one up, but I did not.  I  made it here in my own kitchen.  That too is nothing unusual, except, here comes the simple bit.  I do not own a fancy coffee machine.  I used to at one point in my life, but I found it cumbersome on the counter and whenever people came by for dinner, I felt like I missed out on all the after dinner chat while I was stuck in the kitchen whipping up cappuccinos for my guests.  And the clean-up of said machine was a giant pain in the ass.

So, I sold it.  I bought a simpler version and kept it in the cupboard and did not offer fancy after dinner coffee drinks to my guests anymore.  But even that machine was a pain in the ass to clean.  So I got rid of it too.  Since then, for many years now in fact, I do this:  I make the coffee part in a single cup bodum.  Then, I put some milk in a glass measuring cup, pop it in the microwave, then I take this little $9.99 battery operated whipper and insert it into the hot milk and voila - luscious, foamy milk that I then add to the coffee and I have a great latte.

My point being, all these expensive machines and gizmos - are they really necessary sometimes?  I feel the same about food - the simpler the better in many cases.  Fresh natural ingredients, nothing processed, flavourful herbs and simple grilling.  I always feel better after eating food like this. 

The gym.  Another thing I think can be simplified.  The only piece of equipment I actually find entirely necessary is the treadmill. (and if I lived somewhere hot - would not need that either) The universal gym sits there,  unused for the most part, like a giant metal sculpture in the middle of the room.  I use the  hand weights, the mats, the balls and only occasionally get myself all twisted and turned about on that thing.  I don't seem to have trouble toning my body without it.  In fact, I wish it was out of there, I would have more room to do the rest of my routine.  I do use it as a surface for my towel, water bottle, keys and glasses, so I suppose you could say it has some reason to be there.  There is one guy I have seen really take advantage of it, but he is the body-builder type and unless I am overcome with an urge to look like a female Arnie, I doubt I will follow suit.

Don't get me wrong.  I have toyed with that idea.  I see those women in magazines all slick with oil and flexing their biceps and abs in teeny tiny bikinis and for a brief moment, I think, hmmm, I could do that.  Then the reality of the time investment it takes to look like that hits me and I leave that fantasy in the dark where it belongs.  I don't really want to look like that anyway.  Not that extreme.  Then, once you get there, you  have to keep it up, or you know what happens.  I have seen those supermarket tabloid shots of what Arnie looks like now that he isn't pumping iron anymore - that is scarier than the toned terminator - no thanks.

Where was I?  I was lost in my view for a minute.  OK, right, simplicity.  Here is another one.  Cable.  Basic cable vs umpteen channels.  I watch TV for about 2 hours a week - 4 if there is a good movie or something going on in the world that I feel compelled to follow.  I wondered when I was getting set up here in my new digs if I would miss the umpteen channel thing.  I think I did once when I just assumed one of the channels I used to get was available, but I survived the moment of deprivation and carried on to live another day, so no, I don't miss it.  It's easier to figure out the bill too.  Pretty straightforward.  Basic cable ............$whatever.  I did notice underneath in fine print the words: bloody cheap bastard, but my eyesight ain't what it used to be so I can easily ignore that part.

OK, I could go on and on with other simple changes I have made in my life, but I need to hit the gym after I go outside for a simple brisk walk/run in my simple work-out top with the built-in bra (whoever invented that was genius - no falling straps) and then eat a simple lunch before I head to tennis for my weekly doubles match with the girls which I play at a very basic winter club - no pool, or fancy clubhouse or luxurious change rooms.  You just show up, enter the bubble, go to your assigned court, play a simple game - costs about a tenth of some clubs with all the bells and whistles and I found I never used all that other stuff much anyway. 

OK, signing off here from my simple HP comp....works for me.

Six more Weeks, eh?

Have you ever noticed how your life only seems "just right" for brief periods of time?  That is my experience anyway.  You know, when all the elements seem to be in sync and you are in a groove and then you wonder when the other shoe will drop. 
My life has pretty much resembled a roller coaster ride for the last couple of years and just when I thought one decision was going to slow that down a tad, now it seems I am faced with yet another disaster and frankly, I am getting a little tired of gathering up the energy and resolve to put another fucking piece of my life back together.  As a friend of mine likes to say "It's always something." 

I read a lot of spiritual, inspirational, philosophic stuff - I find it helps me get through the rough spots and a really good poet can really lift my spirits, but lately even these words of wisdom and encouragement are not really doing much to solve my current dilemma.  According to my astrologer, I am going through a Pluto transit and it will apparently be coming to an end once and for all around the end of November.  If this is in fact true, I only have to scratch and claw my way through another what?, 6 weeks or so? 

So, that's not so bad, I can be like the little engine that could.....I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  I loved that book when I was a little kid.  I remember having it read to me and how I so rooted for that little engine to make it up over the hill.  It was hopeful.  It taught me a lesson, even though at the time I did not realize that was what it was all about.  Believe in yourself.  I do.  I do believe in myself.  I just wish I could figure out how to translate that belief in myself into more income.  I used to want to make gobs of money, but now I would just be happy with enough to cover my expenses and live a simple normal existence without worrying.  How did I end up in a job that pays straight commission?  I did not sign up for it, that's for sure.  When I first took my present job, it was a salary-plus commission deal, but about a year in, they changed the system on us and now it is straight commish baby.  Great when the economy is humming but sucks when it is not.

If I lived in NYC, I would be joining the throngs down on Wall Street - occupying it.  I am one of them now.  Who knew?  I really believe the world is on the verge of huge change, about to finally evolve into something better, but it won't happen overnight.  It is time in my view.  Long overdue.

A metaphor for my own life really.  Time for a huge change.  Long overdue.