Loosening the Noose

The shift toward minimalism and detachment from things is a slow process.  I speak from a knowing place as I have been moving in this direction for a few years now.  A recent browse in a very interesting gift shop brought home the message loud and clear as I saw several things that caught my eye.  Perhaps they were unique or creative or artsy items that attracted my eye and caused a momentary flutter of longing but not enough to make me open my wallet.

It helps that I am seriously considering getting rid of almost all of my possessions over the next few months.  I have moved twice in the last 2 years and the weight of what I own feels more and more like a noose around my neck daily.  I have stayed in some beautifully sparse accommodations in the past year and there is an awesome feeling of calm that comes with space and lack of clutter.  The interesting result of such experiences is the realization of how very little we actually need to function in our lives.  

You don't need most of the "stuff" that surrounds you.  The thousands of items in your drawers, closets, basements, cabinets and cupboards are superfluous.  There is actually a dude who has narrowed his life down to 100 things and if a new thing arrives, one goes out. Now there is a challenge!  What 100 things would you choose?  Shit, I bet there are at least that many kitchen tools in my implement drawer right now!  Which ones would I keep? Which ones could I live without? 

I am pretty sure I could not narrow my wardrobe down to 100 things, let alone my entire home. Or does wardrobe count as one thing?  What about jewelry?  Does that count as one?  Not likely.  This may be easier for a man.  But even if a woman were allowed to double the number or even triple it, would it still be possible for the average gal?  Just count your shoes.  Unlike men, who have an average of 4-5 pairs, we all know that the fashion world dictates otherwise for us.  But the truth is we allow it.  We let the pressure get to us.  We buy in.  What's worse is we buy into labels and trends that require the constant updating or upgrading of wardrobes.  

For many, this constant barrage of "buy, buy buy" causes anxiety and stress and ultimately debt. All in the name of fashion and keeping up with trends to what end?  To impress our friends? To be like everyone else?  To fit in?  To define ourselves?  

I have been guilty of all of these motivations.  In addition to these, I have used fashion to express myself.  I got angry last night watching this little documentary on Meryl Streep.  All of these so-called "fashionistas"  took turns picking apart her wardrobe faux pas over the years.  They followed their criticisms with kinder remarks describing her abilities as an actress, but it struck me how shallow it all was.  Here we have a woman who is considered one of the greatest actors of our time and instead of focusing on her exceptional talent, these "critics" chose to find something they could say to diminish her.  

I have been just as guilty of this myself.  But the shift that is taking place in me now is just this type of change of "mind-set".  The good news is that I am sure Ms. Streep could care less what these "fashion police" have to say about her.  I am quite certain her headstone will not mention the fashion crimes she  made, but rather that she graciously shared her gift as an actor with the world and her love of her family.

The drape of her pants or the shoulders of her dress will be meaningless.

As they should.

A Tourist in my own Town

There is something invigorating about being a tourist in your own city.  I am truly guilty of taking Toronto for granted and this week has alerted me to this fact.  Staycation Day 3 sort of made me realize I could likely be a pretty good tour guide in a pinch which is exactly what I was.  

For starters, we left the car behind and decided to use the TTC.  For any readers who are not familiar with that term, it refers to the Toronto Transit Commission.  It is very reliable and easy to use and a great way to avoid costly parking and traffic congestion when navigating the downtown.  It helped that I had to drop my car off at the shop for a little repair and so it made sense to take the "better way".  Starting at Royal York, we headed east to the University line and went south to Queen's Park.  We disembarked there and took a quick glance at our province's illustrious and looming historical bit of architecture before making a "not as brief as I would have liked" stop at Princess Margaret Hospital.  

My appointment there took longer that I had anticipated, but clearly a doctor's time is more valuable than mine, so I waited it out.  Once that obligatory bit of tedium was finished, we ventured   a little west and took a walk along Queen West and I was once again surprised to see that some of the old haunts were still open and some seemed to even be thriving.  I pointed out such famous landmarks to my "new to Canada" friend such as The Rivoli, Fashion Crimes, Peter Pan and The Horseshoe Tavern.  Talk about staying power!  These joints were around when I was working for Metropolis in the late 80's.  Most of the kids we saw on the street down there probably were not even born when they first opened.  It made me feel old, but young in a way, so it was one of those trips down memory lane that you don't mind. I think I saw the ghost of The Bamboo as we walked by what is now Cube. To this day, I have never had Thai noodles as good as the ones they used to serve there!

We stopped for a most welcome rich and foamy latte and cappuccino as I decided to cheat a bit on my "cleanse" for the day.  Amazing how good a simple pleasure like warm frothed milk and espresso can taste when you have been deprived for 10 days.  Heaven!  We crossed over and made our way up Spadina Ave. from there and headed into Chinatown.  Same old, same old - the hanging roasted ducks in the shop windows, good smells, ghastly smells, crazy looking produce and racks of t-shirts for $5.99.  It was time to head west and check out Kensington Market. It was colourful and bohemian as always and teeming with art students and oddballs.  By now we were ready for lunch and a decision had to be made.

Hmmm, Thai? Mexican? Vegan? Italian? Then it appeared - YES!  Wanda's Pie in the Sky!  The place was jammed with students and a few folks our age and I swear, not one thing in the food cases looked any less than amazing.  No wonder the place was so busy.  With our upcoming venture to Spain top of mind, I thought maybe we would try to emulate a sort of tapas like grazing experience, so I suggested one piece of their incredible home-made vegetarian pizza, one slice of their cheesy spinach quiche, a shared bottle of aqua and if dessert HAD to be consumed, he could choose and I would just have a "bite".  The 4 inch high slice of Wanda's famous warmed (in an oven) apple pie was chosen and my "bite" turned into half the slice.  So sorry Wild Rose Cleanse, but I gave you 10 full days of my life - time's up!  I justified it by the fact that I had still not eaten anything "processed".  So there!

We sat at the counter in the window eating and were entertained with the most unusual cast of characters.  A few hi-lights included a truly geeky looking guy in an aviator hat, a man in fuchsia pink plaid pants, a woman in leopard skin jacket with black tights and high heeled boots riding a bicycle and an unfortunate soul that was clearly afraid to step on cracks and continually swatted at invisible insects that apparently were flying about his head.  That's Kensington.

North to College and across to Yonge on a streetcar, hop on a northbound subway train and then a slide west to the Annex to check out that hood where once again I noted many of the old haunts remained.  Lee's Palace, The Brunswick House, Pauper's Pub and the infamous Madison Ave Pub where a quick beer to quench our thirst was in order.  Not much has changed there either since my old days in the beer biz.  Heading out after a glass of Mill St Organic Lager (SEE - still being "sort  of cleanse conscious") we walked this hood all the way through little Korea to Christie before calling it a day and heading west on the subway to Royal York and our now seemingly "beige" neighbourhood.  

I will end this little travelogue with a sign post I saw on a hydro pole in Kensington.

"Be a pencil, not an eraser."

Now go forth and create!

Staycation...Day 2

Hmmm, what to write about first? Day two of the Staycation (yesterday) or the fact that I am more than half way through the 12 day Wild Rose Herbal D-tox/cleanse.  Day 2 of the Staycation was more fun for sure.  Being lucky enough to enjoy the second of a 2 day blast of spring was more than welcome.

The urge to be near water prevailed so we headed to my old hood in Port Credit and did a good hoof on the waterfront trails.  There was hardly any wind and the sun was brilliant and I even managed to come across something new down there that I do believe has been there all along but I just noticed yesterday for the first time.  There is a lovely point along the waterfront trail heading west from the harbour where artist Jim Menken has created three striking chainsaw carvings from old tree stumps.  What a great way to add some beauty to the area and also a unique and interesting way to make use of what would otherwise just be and ordinary tree stump. The one I liked best is pictured below - something you might see at the prow of an old ship looking out to sea.  She looks out instead to Lake Ontario, but the effect is the same. 

We sat next to her on a bench and snacked on organic apples slices and almonds in keeping with my cleanse and I googled Jim Menken on my phone as we sat enjoying the art and the view.  Turns out he is an Orangeville resident who has been commissioned to create several chainsaw sculptures throughout Mississauga and I particularly enjoyed his motto where he says his mission is to "bring new life to old wood".  Geez, I think most of my married gal pals know all about that!  Sorry, could not resist!

So, ahem, moving on, heading back into the village, I fancied lunch at my favourite raw food eatery - Raw Aura, but alas, it was closed on a Sunday, so we ventured down the way to Planet Organic and got some take-away and sat down at the foot of Hurontario at the park on a bench near the water and ate our healthy choices basking in the late winter sun. Lunch was followed by hot drinks and a stroll along Lakeshore Road, slipping into the odd shop - one in particular that is newish - Casual Life.  The owner has done a fabulous job of merchandising and her focus is outdoor furniture and accessories, some of which could easily translate to indoor pieces.  Some of it quite unique and you can customize your cushions in a myriad of colourful outdoor fabrics.  Worth a look for sure.  She has some great reclaimed wood pieces and twiggy tables with very reasonable prices - check it out. 

Just to backtrack a bit on the cleanse - now that I am over the half way mark - I can report that there were a couple of uncomfortable days where I did suffer from the flu symptoms that are apparently normal.  It was just joint ache but it was pretty intense, especially at night and I had to resort to some Advil to quiet the pain a bit in the night, but it has disappeared the last couple of days, so I guess I am out of the woods now with negative reactions. I would still recommend this despite the side effects. 

The scale has not moved since the first 3 dropped off, but I am hopeful a couple more will disappear before the end of Saturday.  The timing of the end works out well as my mother has invited us for a St. Patricks Day lunch where she will serve the tradtional corned beef and cabbage and of course beer.  I gotta say, after 12 days without any wine or beer, I will be ready for a drink! 

Green or otherwise. 

March Break Staycation...Day One

Yesterday was the perfect day to have a "staycation"!  It was a sunny mild day in March and it called for getting outdoors and soaking in some harmful ultraviolet rays and a change of scenery.  What better excuse than to head east from my west-end nest and wander around the Beach neighbourhood.  Of course, I still call it the "Beaches", but only because that is what we called it when I lived there 30 years ago.  And sometimes you just can't teach an old dog new tricks. Hmmmfff!

We started at the corner of Woodbine and Queen and made our way across to Neville Park and past the Harris Filtration buildings and took a look at the apartment building I once lived in.  Not much had changed with the exception of new management as indicated by the signage and they had maintained it pretty well with some new pavers and landscaping going from building to building of the small compound of 3 story walk-ups.  I tried peering into the windows of  my basement beauty but did not want to be too obvious and besides, it was a pretty ordinary apartment to begin with so not sure what I expected to see anyway.  I did remember the exact unit of course and being a basement suite, it was ground level windows all around and I recalled one time late at night being frightened by someone trying to open my bedroom window.  The police were alerted right away and whoever it was ran off, so no harm, no foul, but it did put me off basement suites from that day forward.

After a cursory look around we headed back to hook up to the boardwalk along the lakefront and as we passed the houses on the street leading to the beach, we came across a house that had been doing some spring cleaning.  There was an assortment of junk piled up near the curb and I noticed one item that brought back a memory of my time there.  The woman of the house had placed one of those round rattan papason chairs, sans the base out with her collection of cast-offs.  My bff who was my roommate at the time had one of those chairs and it sat in the corner of the living room of that apartment.  It was the chair of choice if you wanted to curl up and read a book or whatever other form of relaxation struck your fancy.  Once you were in it, it was hard to get out of it.  I think you can still buy them at places like Pier One and they were almost a rite of passage for first time apartment dwellers back in the day.  It was odd that we would see that old beat up shell so close to the old homestead - a real memory jogger.

The beach does not change much other than new shops taking over old shops and it was heart-warming to see that some places are still standing with the same old signage, refusing to move forward as though time has stood still.  The two that stand out the  most are The Beacher Cafe and The "Goof".  The Goof of course being the old Garden Gate Chinese Restaurant with the neon sign that reads Good Food.  The way the letters are positioned and the colour of the background creates an illusion of the word GooF - hence the name that most people know it by. It was often a dinner stop on my way home from school during my Ryerson days.  They had a list of about 10 Chinese combos and if I recall, you could get just about any of them for about 5 bucks.  Not a bad price for an impoverished student and no mess to clean up.

Although there were a lot of likely better choices for lunch, it seemed apropos that we stick to tradition and experience the Beacher Cafe.  The original signage still in place, the food reliable and adequate and I could even get a lunch that stuck to my cleanse rules.  I had to leave a few bits out, but at least there was something on the menu that I could eat.  Scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, some fresh fruit and a cup of green tea.  It was painful watching my lunch partner scarf down Eggs Benedict but I survived my food envy and enjoyed the passing parade of Beach residents, most of whom have dogs. I swear this hood had more dogs than people. Warning:  Watch where you are walking! Most people do scoop but there are always those who don't as was evident on several occasions.

The great thing about spending an afternoon in a hood other than your own, it the feeling of being somewhere new.  Somewhere fresh.  At days end, we headed west past a few of my other old living quarters, then to the St Lawrence market to see if we could scoop up any late day fish bargains, which we did.  At about 4 pm on a Saturday, the fish mongers there start a sell off of the fresh fish and the savings can be really great.  

It was a typical day in the city of Toronto, but it felt like I was on a little mini holiday.  Just sitting here trying to figure out where to go today. Day 2 of the "Staycation". 

You are NEVER too old!

"I could dance all fuckin day!" 

These are the words of 88 year old Dancing Nana - the latest YouTube video to go viral this week. If you have not seen it, do yourself a favour and watch it. You MUST watch right to the end with the volume at full to get the full effect. I missed her parting words the first time I watched and even then I loved her. When I watched a second time on my computer rather than my phone, I was totally in love with her!

It is a simple video made by her granddaughter who is in a car waiting for her nana to come out of the house. The scene is captured in innocence which makes it all that more endearing. Nana is so authentic and by 88 she bloody well should be. We all should be. There must be something so freeing by that age. It starts a few years before that as I can attest but I would have to say I am not quite there yet. I have tried on occasion to just let er rip in public, like sometimes if I am in a department store and a song comes on that I really like and I find myself starting to groove a little between the racks of marked down dresses but my daughter, if she notices, will stop me, horror on her face before I get too carried away.

So without further ado, I present you with "Dancing Nana"

May we all dance till we drop!

http://youtu.be/PP9b_91PHi8

Pass the Butter Please!

OK - so Day 3 of the cleanse.  Here's the update.  Stepped on the scale and was pleasantly surprised to be down 3 lbs.  Let's face it, getting rid of toxins is not the only reason to embark on a cleanse!  It's been weeks since I felt a sense of lightness upon rising, so it was welcome for sure.

The food is more than enough in terms of quantity and as I said before, the feeling of filling the temple with nothing but goodness is a combination of loving yourself and fueling your body as it was meant to be fueled.  Nothing artificial or harmful going in and plenty coming out!  Seriously though, the laxative component of the herbal supplements is not too bad - fairly mild in fact, but noticeable for certain.

It was time to restock the veggie bins in the fridge, so after a wonderful one hour session with my massage therapist (helpful in detoxing as well) this morning, I headed to the grocery store for fresh supplies.  I noticed myself being drawn to a few things on the "no" list, especially the tropical fruits.  I usually include these in my regular diet so having to veer around them is not easy.  I love melon and mango and they are not allowed as they are too sweet and part of the idea is to wean off sugar, even naturally occurring sugars, so those will have to wait.

And forget the entire dairy aisle - the only thing that entered the cart from that row was butter - the one dairy product on the "yes" list!  Funny how I hardly used any butter before this, but now that the D-tox gods have said I can, WHY NOT?  Of course this is in moderation but it sure helps cooked veggies taste decadent!  

Curbing snack cravings is a no-brainer.   I never leave the house without a bag of organic apple slices and almonds.  The perfect fat/protein/carb snack.  It works for me.  Coffee has been pretty much replaced with green tea.  I do still have one cuppa joe in the morning but without cream it really does not hold the same appeal for me.  Maybe by Day 12 I will be used to it but it is doubtful.

Some of my favourite ways to prepare salmon are off the list, so I came up with a new one which I will share here for you.  It was delicious and if you are not a fan of cilantro, you could replace it with fresh basil.  Either would work.  

I am not suffering from any of the side effects other than a mild head ache that was very short-lived and a bit of achiness in my lower back - the mild flu-like symptoms he said could possibly occur.

As I am not working right now, I have time to devote to food prep and planning that when I was working full time might have been more difficult, but still doable if you are organized.  You can keep it very simple or make it more complex depending on how demanding your taste-buds are.  

The butter is a godsend in this department as it really does make any cooked vegetable taste sublime!  Add a squirt of fresh lemon or lime to any buttered green, some sea salt and pepper and suddenly a serving of Swiss Chard is the main event in my mind.  I find as I enjoy more and varied veggies, my desire for poultry or meat decreases as well.  I just had a big salad of mixed greens, a scoop of the aforementioned Quinoa Salad, sliced avocado and was going to add some leftover chicken, but decided the chicken would actually compete with the freshness of the salad and since there were already walnuts and avocado giving it some substance, it was just right the way it was.  Filling too.

So, without further ado ... my version of "allowable" Salmon.

Salmon with Cilantro Pesto and Toasted Pine Nuts 

2 Salmon Fillets (Atlantic or Organic are best)

Half a bunch of fresh cilantro

1 tbs butter softened

2 cloves garlic

2 green onions

1 tbs extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup pine nuts

Using a food chopper or food processor, chop garlic fine, add onions, chop fine, add cilantro, chop fine.  Add butter and oil and process until a coarse paste.  Lay salmon out on a baking sheet on parchment paper.  Spread paste over top of fish.  Press pine nuts into top until covered.  Bake at 415 F for 20 minutes.  DO NOT OVERCOOK!  Pinenuts should be golden brown.  Serves 2.

Toxicity BEGONE!

It has been 12 days since I left my dead-end job and as I said to someone the other day, it is taking some time shaking off the toxicity of that place, so it is only natural that I am now embarking on a physical cleanse as well.

It seems like the right thing to do as our body, mind and spirit are so closely intertwined.  I believe we carry negative energy in our bodily cells and just leaving my job may not be quite enough to rid my body and spirit of that draining energy.  An old friend from Vancouver just happened to mention the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox program to me about a week ago - no coincidence I am convinced.  The universe always seems to present what is needed when it is needed.

I googled some info about it and decided to give it a whirl.  I started yesterday.  I have done cleanses before and this one is not unlike some others I have tried. The herbal supplements will aid in the d-tox aspect and the diet guidelines are quite simple.  I was actually following this sort recommended eating style for the last three years although lately had started to slip into some old bad habits that needed to be nipped in the bud.  The plan is essentially protein, lots of veggies, some fruits (not tropical), no sugar, no dairy and no alcohol. The cessation of my daily glass of plonk seemed likely to be the most difficult aspect, but knowing it is only for 12 days, I think I can survive!

The amazing thing about starting any new eating program is the blatant revelation that comes on the first day when you realize how many things you had been letting slip.  Suddenly every morsel that slips past your lips must be considered carefully and labels must be scrutinized and corkscrews must be safely tucked away for another day. 

I actually embraced Day 1.  It was good to feel in control again.  I felt creative in my approach to mealtimes.  There is something almost 'holy" about knowing that every bite of food that enters my body is like a "healing".  Fresh, organic, additive free.  That whole "my body is a temple" attitude reigns. If we could only hold on to that thought everyday it would result in increased energy and a vibrancy that may have been lacking the day before as we were scarfing down that Ham and Cheese croissant from Ma Maison with a foamy latte, nary a concern about the wheat and butter, salty pork and high fat dairy and caffeine we were ingesting, leaving a thick layer of gooey fat all over the temple floor.  It's a slippery slope.  Time to clean up.

So, I will keep you posted as to my 12 day journey with Dr. Terry Willard's program.  He is a Ph.D and Clinical Herbalist who lives in nature in our very own province of Alberta.  He owns an organic herb farm on the Eastern slopes of the Rocky Mountains outside of Calgary. He has written several books on the topic and so I trust his advice and recommendations.  You can pick up the D-Tox kit at Healthy Planet - $31.99 for a 12 day supply.  I have also heard  you can get it at other health stores and Whole Foods.

I will also share some recipes that I have created.  There is a book available for those of you who need more guidance, but I have been down this road before and can usually pull a rabbit out of my hat with 'allowable" ingredients like I did twice yesterday with delicious results.

Here is a recipe for a Quinoa "Waldorf" (that's my name for it, anyway).

Quinoa Waldorf Salad

1 cup dried organic Quinoa cooked and cooled.

1 large stalk celery diced small

5 green onions chopped including tops

1 large carrot diced small

1 organic gala apple diced small

1 cup fresh cilantro chopped

1/3 cup walnut pieces

Juice of 1/2 lemon

Juice of 1 lime

2-3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Sea Salt and pepper to taste

Mix it all up in a bowl and serve chilled.  Will keep refrigerated for 3-4 days.

In Like a Lamb

Glancing sideways from my seat,

a glimpse

jagged ridge of snow bank

out my window

still standing rigid from days ago

enhanced by moonlight

or street lights

it matters not

snow cleared for me

making my way easier

this gesture from my lover

preserved by the cold

a kiss

a caress

meanings entwined

a moment in time

a vignette to hold

for another day

another time

revived on a summer day

perhaps

Then and Now

The planning and plotting of the 2013 European adventure is well underway here at Chez Decomama.  I have been reminiscing about the last one in 1977.  I even pulled out my old journal from that trip to try and find the  name of a few landmarks, names and restaurants that I experienced the first time to arm me with some clues as to where I might find a few things that I want to revisit.

This exercise got me to comparing and contrasting the two adventures and how vastly different it is this time.  I also came across something that I had totally forgotten about.  When I flipped to the back pages of the partially filled notebook that followed me everywhere in 1977, I found the autographs in the photo above.  Cher and Gregg Allman were taking a trip up to the top of the Eiffel Tower the same day we were and as we started chatting to a fellow in the parking lot, we discovered in conversation that he was their manager and he said to hang around if we wanted to meet them.  At 19, this was like some sort of thrill I had only dreamed of, so there we stood, the three of us waiting as though it was just an ordinary thing that was about to occur.

Sure enough, we stood and watched as they started to make their way through the parking lot toward us, no one else noticing their celebrity.  The manager (forget his name of course), introduced us to them, we actually stood around and had a bit of small talk and then we asked if we could take a photo and I had forgotten we also had asked for an autograph.  It was not our only celebrity siting on that trip - a few days later in Zermatt, we watched Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland on a set of a movie being filmed there.  We could not believe our luck - a couple of kids from small town Ontario bumping into stars like this!  My photos are still on slides so I don't have anything to publish here, but one day I just have to get those slides turned into photos...been saying that for over 30 years!

Anyway, back to my "compare and contrast".  

1977

Guide Book - Europe on $10 a Day (our bible)

2013

Guide Book - Forget the Book - Just Google it and hope for Europe on $200 a Day!

1977

Luggage - Canadian Flag embossed Back Pack with adjustable straps

2013

Luggage - Extra large Suitcase on Wheels - "WTF will we do on cobblestones?"

1977

Flight - Economy seats with full service free bar and meals served on fine china - Return Airfare - about $325

2013

Economy seats - bring your own grub and buy your own booze - Return Airfare - about $1200

1977

Itinerary - Figure it out when we get there.

2013

Itinerary - Every hotel and pension and apartment booked 2 months ahead - deposits taken. Drive time between stops calculated and estimated to avoid arriving in foreign town/village in the dark - God forbid!

1977

Packing List - Clothes, Europe on $10 A Day, Folding Map of Europe, No make-up, Swiss Army Knife

2013

Packing List - Clothes, I Pad, GPS, Lots of Make-up, Same Swiss Army Knife - but not in carry-on!  

1977

Camera - Fully Manual Rollei 35 mm, Several rolls of Kodachrome film

2013

Camera - Will bring a digital, but will likely end up taking most shots with IPhone.

1977

Travelling Companion - Best Girlfriend

2013

Travelling Companion - Man I met on 1977 Trip in Spain 

1977

Hairstyle - Long Brown Hair - Centre Part a la Peggy Lipton

2013

Hairstyle - Chin Length Dirty Blonde - Note to Self - Book Root Touch-up day before we leave.

1977

Travel Insurance - What's that?

2013

Travel Insurance - Gazillion dollars - medical,  flight cancellation, car, life - travel is risky you know!

1977

First Aid Kit - Band-aids, aspirin, Coppertone Coconut Oil SPF - 0

2013

First Aid Kit - Advil, Tylenol, Imodium, Polysporin...one for cuts, one for eye infections, emergency antibiotics, Aloe for sunburns, Vitamins, Band aids,  Sunscreen - SPF 60 - extra piece of luggage to carry it all!

1977

Shoes - Hiking Boots, flip flops

2013

Shoes - Tennis Shoes, Running Shoes, Walking shoes, Sandals, Flip Flops, One pair of heels...just in case.

1977

Typical Meal on the Road - Hard Cheese, Crusty Bread, Red Wine

2013

Typical Meal on the Road - Hard Cheese, Crusty Bread, Red Wine (fuck the diet!)

1977

Connecting to folks back home - Postcards and Letters 

2013

Connecting to folks back home - texting and email

1977

Number of Countries Visited - 12 over 3 months

2013 

Number of Countries Visiting - 2 over 3 weeks (all we can afford!)

Ola! Bonjour! (fewer language phrases to learn as well)

1977

Excitement Level prior to departure - 10/10

2013

Excitement Level prior to departure - 10/10

Some things never change!

Voices from the Past...SHUT UP!

We are formed in great part by the messages we receive growing up from the people we regard as all-knowing, wise even.  Elders we admire or admired.  I had a great uncle that through my adolescent eyes was bigger than life and everything I ever knew about him seemed "right".  He was not only a big personality, but he was a very large man physically.  He was easily 6' 5" and he  was never an ounce under 300 lbs as long as he was alive. He had big opinions too - conservative ones.

He was my maternal grandmother's brother.  He married a woman that was a good match for him in every way.  She was even tall, but never an ounce overweight. Never!  She was a nurse and he worked hard in some sort of steel mill I recall.  They never had children which for the time was unusual.  One side effect of the no children thing was that they never had to spend their hard earned money on the costly little beasts that they are so their money just accumulated and compounded and by the time they reached retirement they were very very set.

They owned a big old Victorian house that was divided up into 3 apartments and they lived in the largest, poshest main floor of the home, collected rent from the other 2 units and made money that way too.  By the time they reached retirement age, they owned a cottage in Muskoka and a winter place in Florida AND a very cool Airstream travel trailer that they used when they felt the urge.  When my parents first married and I came along, we actually lived in one of the rental units  in the small wing of the house on the ground floor - a one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen, living room and one bathroom.  The wing had it's own porch which I spent hours playing make-believe on and under - my own little wing in a way. the house was on a very large lot, easily 3-4 acres and so the sprawling yard was also a boon to my curious toddler wanderings.

There was a sandbox near a gully and a ravine with woods and a back field that was good for rabbit and pheasant siting...or shooting apparently.  It went on but I never witnessed any of that.  I did dine on pheasant at an early age though. We moved when I was 3 but I will always remember those early years and the opinions I formed of our "landlords".  They kept the house and property in impeccable condition and there were rules regarding not making messes or pinching the peonies or being too noisy on Sunday afternoons when my uncle might be enjoying an afternoon catnap.

By three, I had pretty much figured that "perfectionism" was the goal, untidy yards were bad and there was no other real path in life but to save and accumulate money and possessions.  When I took off to go backpacking in Europe at 19, my great uncle came to the backyard BBQ my parents threw for me to bid me farewell and he handed me some money.  I can't remember how much but likely it was a fifty dollar bill (always more than anyone else would have given me) and he looked me square in the eye and said, "Just remember, a rolling stone gathers no moss."  I recall taking offense to his remark and the rebel in me sloughed it off as something old people say to let you know they kind of disapprove of your choices.  It sure did not stop me from getting on that plane the next day and proceeding to have one of the greatest adventures of my life.  What did he know about rolling stones?  He had never been outside of North America. Pfffttt!

That was when I decided maybe I was not going to follow the expected path or at least not the gospel according to Uncle Ken.  He is likely rolling around in his grave right about now wishing he could try and stop me from heading off on my next great adventure.  I can almost feel his grasp, his huge over-sized hand shaking mine, turning my palm upward, examining it closely and shaking his head in disapproval, unable to find even a trace of moss.

Sorry Uncle.  Not everyone is fond of sitting in one dank damp dark place long enough for fuzzy green shit to grow all over them.

I prefer breathing...and LIVING!

Freedom 55....Day ONE

You have all heard the hype.  It has been going on for years now, although since 2008 less so.  How many people do you know that can really afford to retire at 55?  Hmmm, that's what I thought - not many.  The ones that do seem to manage it, are generally itching to get back at some sort of productive activity before long either because they are bored, or they can't quite live on the money they saved and/or have coming in - at least not the way they are used to living. 

I certainly cannot afford it.  But it did get me to thinking.  All the things that we are putting off until retirement are usually things we will likely enjoy doing more at 55 than we will at 65 or 70.  We are still in fairly good health if we are lucky, we still have energy and many of us do have a bit of cash in the bank by then.  What if, instead of waiting to do some of these things 10 years down the track, we pause for a year and do a bunch of them NOW?

You can see where this is heading, can't you?  Yup, that's my new plan.  I turned 55 in December and since then I have watched one man die at 52 and another come real close in his early 60's and who knows when my number will be up?  What if I never make it to 65?  My bucket list is still pretty full.  Time to start spilling a bit of it.  So here goes, my dear readers - 2013 is going to be my "adult gap year".  I am going to chronicle the adventure here in my blog - all the ups and downs and the fears and joys and with any luck, at the end of 2013, my bucket will have far fewer   dream droplets to spill and I will have fed my soul some, learned some new shit and filed the word regret somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain...just in case my number does come up sooner rather than later.

I called this Day One because although I left my soul-sucking job last Friday, Monday seems like the appropriate day to really begin.  That was the first step.  The job had to go.  It was a mistake from the get-go and all I got out of it was an insulting pay cheque every 2 weeks and 15 lbs of anxiety weight.  Fifteen lbs that I had worked very hard to get rid of 3 years ago.  So today, the  new regimen began.  I dusted off the treadmill, hauled the weights out of the closet, the big exercise ball and the mat and did a good 90 minute workout followed by an 8 oz glass of Vital Greens.  I have 7 weeks to lose at least 10 of those 15 lbs before I grace the beaches in France and Spain in mid April.  

That is the first stop. Marseilles, Barcelona, Sitges, Mojacar.  A virtual trip down memory lane.  These are places I visited 36 years ago.  I have some very fond memories of them and have always wanted to go back.  I will unveil the second stop soon.  For now, I invite you to join me as I plan and plot and slosh around in my bucket.

Stay tuned.

Don't Ask!

I got a note from a friend the other day that said she had noticed I had not been blogging much lately and had not been on Facebook and she was wondering what was up with me.  She was correct.  Not blogging much. Not on social media much. Laying low. Quiet.

I go through periods like this.  Maybe it is time spent building. Times of introspection. Who knows?  Hibernation maybe.  Fucking winter. It did make me aware of the fact a bit - having someone point it out and all.

I wondered if I was losing my mojo a bit.  Nothing was really crying out for comment.  Then again, I have been somewhat preoccupied of late.  Mostly personal stuff I don't really want to share with the world so don't get too excited - not about to share it, but I do miss writing when I am away from it from time to time.  

There is something that keeps rearing it's head - not necessarily an "ugly" head, but a head nonetheless.  It is something that has left me wondering if I was "less than" since my early twenties in fact.  It goes something like this.  It's Friday afternoon.  You are at work.  One of your colleagues asks the question.   "So, whatcha doin this weekend?"  I cringe every time.  Most times I really don't really have any significant plans worthy of a big mention.  I'm not going to some hot club or some sold out concert or heading to my cottage or jetting off to NYC for the weekend, so any answer that springs to mind seems lame and boring and surely not what the questioner was hoping for or expecting.  

I mean, I could say - well, I am thinking I might catch a movie on ROD or go for a power walk or go to The Village Butcher to get farm fresh eggs or change my sheets or read a bit or cook a little or in finer weather, go for an EXTRA LONG power walk or play tennis outside or hike a local trail that I don't do regularly but somehow these answers seem so - dare I say - boring?  I like all those things but I suspect these are not the activities they want to hear about.

Must even my simple days off feel like a competition?  I actually love it when I don't have a "plan".  That is my favourite kind of weekend.  Nothing scheduled. No particular place to go. No engagements.  It's not that I don't like social events - I do, just not every weekend, or every night. I like time to just be.  I like the feeling of no deadlines. No alarm clocks. No obligations.  I have been this way my whole life really.  Even when I was young and "supposed" to be crazy busy and out all the time, I needed a night off now and again.  I know there are people who are so over-scheduled they can barely find time for themselves.  That would be anathema to me. 

WHAT? No time to daydream? No time to be still? No time to reflect?  I just wish people would stop asking me "What are you doing tonight? What are your plans for the evening or weekend?" That way I would not have to feel like such a loser when I say - "not much".  I just don't need to be scheduled every minute of every day or week.  I never did it to my daughter either.  I let her have plenty of free time to herself and made a point of not over-scheduling her life.  Maybe I was wrong but she seems to be very comfortable on her own and content with her own company so maybe it worked.  She does not complain of being bored.  Come to think of it I am not usually bored either.  

Maybe it just takes less to amuse me.  Or a lot more to amuse everyone else.

My Perfect Day - December 27, 2012

A perfect cup of joe

Lazy pajama morning

Someone else to shovel the snow

Leftover Tortierre for lunch

A bit of shopping

My favorite clothing shop gifting me with a new top

Mid-afternoon latte break

Late afternoon drinks and snacks with friends

Couple of pre-dinner Kir Royales

Fabulous daughter cooking my birthday dinner

My favourite musical selections cranking on the stereo

Good hair day

Clothes still fitting miraculously post-holiday feasting

Personalized Google birthday greeting

Surrounded with love

Happy Birthday to me!

2012 Christmas Message

I want to share a message with all of your this Christmas Eve, 2012 that I read on a blog I follow that I felt that was so well said, I could not have said it better myself....

"May you go deeper. May you reach higher. May you fearlessly seize what is good and loving and share it generously with those around you. May you find within yourself those satisfactions you’ve been taught to seek outside of yourself. May you realize how beloved you are, a child of God and a powerful spiritual entity, busy creating what tomorrow will look like for yourself and the rest of us.

May you enter the stillness long enough to know it’s not empty but full to brimming with all the beauty you’ve forgotten about yourself, with wisdom and truth. May you have a holy moment, a revelation that illuminates your connection with this lovely planet, and the oneness of all the life forms that reside upon her. "...Eric Francis

This resonated with me even more so than usual as I have sadly known two young people who committed suicide this year.  These tragic losses of two young men in their late twenties has had a deep and profound impact on me and I can only imagine the pain it has caused those closest to them. 

My heart goes out to any family facing this first holiday season post crisis.

May we all cherish each and every precious moment.

Merry Christmas to all.  

Time to Shift Gears

Could this be the tipping point?  Please tell me it is! The tragedy in Connecticut this morning just has to be a final wake up call.  How many more innocent lives must end before we get it?  

It is like that "meaning of insanity" quote by Albert Einstein.  The one that goes -"the meaning of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."  How much longer before handguns are banned?  How much longer before humanity stops putting so much emphasis and importance on the acquisition of material things?  How many more days, weeks and years before everyone realizes we are all connected? How many more hearts have to be broken; families torn apart, nations divided before we rise above it all?

Days such as this leave me so depleted.  It's as though I cannot absorb all the grief as there is such an abundance of it swirling around that it threatens to absorb me.  I sit here grateful that just yesterday I was able to embrace and hug my daughter before she left town to go back to university to write a couple more exams.  The lingering energy of that moment will have to sustain me today as I weep for the victims and their families and friends of this senseless crime this morning.

From what I have been reading and learning, we, the human race will have an opportunity for enlightenment or awakening on December 21st.  There are many takes on this phenomena of late and I have kind of bought into one in particular that describes the actual scientific explanation and how there will be a window of about 8 minutes where we will be able to absorb this energy of the shifting planets and if you are open to it, may actually be able to awaken to a higher consciousness - a shift, a new way of thinking and doing that will be for the betterment of individuals as well as the collective.

So pay attention on this day and if new thoughts come to you, you are advised to write them down, no matter how far-fetched or unusual they seem as a way to remember what came to you and then perhaps begin to act on them and make changes to the way you live your life, perhaps live a larger life than the one you are living now.

Based on what happened today, it can't come soon enough.  

My Never-ending Journey

Nothing like a sick day on the sofa to give one pause.  Feeling physically incapable of much at all, the day called for quiet and self-reflection (like I haven't done enough of that in the last 3 years - ugh!).

I rummaged through my collection of books next to my bed knowing I would not choose fiction.  No, today called for some sort of inward journey (again!).  I find when I am in this sort of mood, the book I actually need to be reading usually jumps out at me immediately and today was no exception.  It was time to revisit sections of "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life", even though the mere title of the book can sometimes depress me reminding me that I actually really am in the "second half".

It was sort of apropos considering I had just shot off a note to the CEO of Habitat for Humanity to see if he would be interested in talking to me about creating an off shoot of his organization devoted to the interior decorating of the houses they build for the needy.  I figured they should not only provide a roof over the heads of the recipients but why not look nice as well?  It would be such a pleasure to be able to do my work for people who might really appreciate my efforts even it it did mean beg, borrowing and stealing furniture and supplies to do it from generous donors all over the province - I thought the idea had some merit and still do despite his gracious decline of my offer and idea.

Anyway, I digress.  The book.  Back to Dr. James Hollis, PH.D and his incredible contribution to those looking to find meaning in this challenging materialistic world we live in.  I flipped straight to the back of the book as I recall that is the section that had the most impact on me the first 10 times I read it.  Yes, there they were - the 10 questions.  The 10 best questions you will ever ask yourself.  You may  not be able to answer them all at once and truth be known I am still chipping away at some of them myself.  So I thought it might be a good idea to share them with all of you because I doubt many of you out there have this book or have even heard of it, so here goes.....the title of this list could stop you for a good while itself.  Dr. Hollis - I now give you the floor.

Is the Life you are Living too Small for your Soul's Desire?

Consider these questions.  Answer them honestly to yourself or they will prove of no value.  If they hurt a bit, or intimidate a lot, then they are hitting home for you.  Answer them honestly, and you are on the way to the insight that leads to wisdom, the wisdom that leads to change, the change that leads to a larger life, and the larger life that ultimately provides healing because it is the life the gods intended for you.

1.  Where has life in its unfairness, stuck you, fixated you, caused you to circle back and back upon this wounding as a provisional definition and limitation of your possibilities?  Why do you continue to cooperate with the wound, rather than serve something larger, which serves you in return?

2.  Where has life blessed you, given you a gift? And what have you done with that gift? How have you accepted the responsibility that goes with it?

3.  Where are you blocked by fear, stuck, rigid, resistant to change?

4.  What is the fear beneath the fear?  The fear that intimidates you only gains its power from the wiring beneath it, the wiring of history, which leads to a deeper fear, a fear from your past.  This circuitry activates the old message that this fear, this issue, is larger than you, and so you ignore the conscious, empowered adult you have become since then.

5.  Where was your father stuck, and where has that stuck place shown up in your life?  Where was your mother stuck and where has that stuck place shown up in your life?  Are you repeating their lives, their patterns, or tying to overcome them by compensation, or treating the problem in a way that brings harm and further self-alienation?  Is this the legacy you will pass on to your children?

6.  Where do you avoid conflict, the necessary conflict of values, and therefore avoid living in fidelity with who you are?

7.  What ideas, habits, behavioral patterns are holding you back from the large journey of the soul? What secondary gains do you receive by staying mired in the old - security, predictability  validation from others? Are you now tired enough, hurting enough to begin to take the soul's journey on?

8.  Where are you still looking for permission to  live your life?  Do you think that someone else is going to give it to you?  What are you waiting for, someone else to write the script of your life for you?

9.  Where do you need to grow up?  When will this happen?  Do you think someone else will do it for you?

10.  What have you always felt called toward, but feared to do?  Does this possibility still summon you, symbolically if not literally?  What new life wishes to come into being through you?

So, there you have it my dear readers.  I challenge each and every one of you to consider these questions, or some of them at least and see where it takes you.  

Work on them one at a time.  Try to do it before New Year's Eve and then start 2013 with a whole new approach to your life.  

And you thought losing 10 lbs  as your new year's resolution was tough - piece of cake next to this! 

Happy trails!