Monday, May 25, 2009

Driving each other Crazy!

Mini rant! Is there a married couple any where in the world that doesn't complain about each other's driving style??? It's a miracle any one stays married at all when both partners think they are the better driver. One solution I suppose is to avoid being in the car together at the same time, but since that is virtually impossible for any real length of time, how about the passenger sits in the back seat blindfolded? No? OK then, how about the passenger just suppresses the urge to comment on the driver's apparent unacceptable speed or method of braking or whatever the perceived crime? As in, just zip it.....dear! Of course, these things have never happened to me. I have just heard that it happens to other couples. Oh no, my husband loves how I drive. In fact, he often says, "Hey Deb, we're in a school zone - maybe you should speed up a bit." Or," I really like it when you wait until you're nearly on top of the car ahead to put on the brakes." When he's driving, I love to tell him how much I appreciate his delayed response to accelerating once the light turns green or how much I adore his slow cautious style. Maybe we could give lessons to other couples - show them how driving together has strengthened our relationship over the years. Honestly, I don't know how in the world I have survived driving for 35 years without his sage advice. He surely can't imagine how he has survived 43 years without mine. At least we agree on some things when it comes to getting behind the wheel of a car. Cell phones. Nothing we love more than to point out some idiot yapping away on their cell phone while driving, particularly when they are putting themselves or others at risk while they are distracted. That new law can't come into effect soon enough as far as we're concerned. "Fine 'em big," we say. The province will make a fortune from this one and maybe we city dwellers here in Toronto will get a break on the "car tax" we now have to pay just for owning a car in the city. If they collect enough fines from cell phone abusers, maybe they'll drop that tax. Wishful thinking I suppose, but not out of the question. We are also on the same page when it comes to tail-gaters. Get off my ass! The closer you drive to my rear end, the slower I will go just to teach you a lesson. I will go to any length to piss you off, so don't bother with your bullying driving tactics. If I am driving too slow for your liking, it is usually because, I am in a school zone and doing the speed limit, or I am about to make a turn into my own driveway. Figure it out! I am constantly astounded by the number of drivers who think their schedules are more important than everyone else's. Back off buttheads! Driving really does bring out the best in us, don't you think? How about the moronic mergers? You know, the one's who have no clue how to merge. They sit on the on ramp to the highway with their signal on, waiting for an opening that will never come. Eventually they pull in front of a car barreling at them at 100 Kms/hr, causing sudden braking and a chain reaction that often leads to everyone but them piling up on top of one another. Or the "me-first-mergers" who don't understand the concept of "weaving" when a city street has been reduced to one lane. They refuse to let anyone in and are also often the ones who see the lane reduction signs a mile out, but speed up to the front of the line and butt in, pretending they didn't notice the signs. One day, I'd like to spend a whole day in an old beater of a car I didn't care about just driving around smashing into those guys. Just like Kathy Bate's character in Fried Green Tomatoes when she purposely crashed her car into the "parking space stealer's" Volkswagen Beetle. I loved that scene. I wanted to cheer out loud in the movie theatre! Is there a driver anywhere who hasn't imagined doing that themselves? Maybe it's just me - but I doubt it. Besides, everyone knows that all the other drivers in the world are idiots and they are the only good drivers. When my daughter was little, she thought "idiot" was a bad word. I had to explain to her it was just what mommy calls other drivers when they do bad things. I could think of worse words I could have used. But, not in front of the children.

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