Friday, May 29, 2009

The Great Riverdale Debate

Just finished reading my friend Cindy's take on the whole Veronica vs. Betty issue. (read it - it is really funny She is a natural blonde and I am a natural brunette, leaning toward blonde these days with each session of highlights turning me blonder over time. But underneath my false strands of flaxen yellow lies a true brunette at heart. As much as I have attempted to play for the other team over the years, I still know my roots. Is Archie choosing brunette over blonde? Or is the real issue "bitch" over "boring" and nothing at all to do with hair colour? Or is it nothing at all to do with either their hair or their personality, and everything to do with money? Let's face it, the gang from Riverdale are well past their prime now and eventually, they will all have to face the fact that looks don't last forever. I know, I know, in comic book land, everyone stays young forever, but you never know when things may change. Archie wasn't about to take any chances with his fate I reckon and went for the big bank account. No second rate nursing homes for him. He's thinking a nice waterfront home in West Palm Beach, somewhere near the Trump spread, a pricey golf club membership and the best doctors money can buy. He was never the brightest star in the sky, but he was definitely playing with a fuller deck than Jughead. Frankly, I think it's all a conspiracy between Archie and Betty to avoid living a life of mediocrity. Now Betty is free to snag Reggie and both couples can sidle up to the The Donald in Florida. Who cares if Betty is so much nicer? It's like the difference between Scarlett O'Hara and that sappy character played by Olivia de Havilland in Gone With the Wind. Rhett and Ashley may have respected and thought highly of her but they both wanted to boff the bitchy one. What is it about bitchy women that men seem to love so much? They seem to ignite a fire in them that the girl next door just can't stoke. There is nothing so pathetic as witnessing a grown man go all weak-kneed and submissive under the spell of some domineering dame. But it happens all the time, and not just in the funny pages. Let's say however, for the sake of argument, it wasn't about the money and Betty just didn't quite cut it for Archie. "He just wasn't that into her." My question becomes - what makes Archie such a prize? Reggie was better looking. Archie was goofy looking. Why did Veronica even want him? These are serious questions. Think about it. If Betty ends up with Reggie - who really wins in the end? Ladies - am I right? I will admit, I was rooting for Betty and true love,(I'm such a sap for a romantic ending) just because I never liked the evil Veronica. Even though, when I was a kid and we would play act the characters, I always wanted to play Veronica. Same with Gilligan's Island, nobody wanted to be Mary Ann, we all used to fight over who would be Ginger. Who would The Professor have chosen? Would he have gone with his head or his loins? No brainer - he would have picked Ginger. We all know nice girls finish last. But with fewer STD's. There has to be some pay off, after all.


art.guenther said...

I knew you two couldn't live this one alone!

Anonymous said...